For whatever reason, you have what you have in life; and the best you can do is (by definition) to make the best of it. And appearances can be deceptive; the people who seem to have everything are surprisingly little happier than the people who seem to have nothing. Even the most charmed life becomes routine.

Don't worry about what you should be able to do. Don't worry about whether or not you achieve more or less than a "normal person". Why do those things matter?

Look at what you have in life; look at what you want in life; and figure out how to get the best of what you want, given what you have. If there's anything you want that you just can't manage to get, then leave it, because you'll get a chance one day; things become more accessible, our situation improves, etc.

We have our lives ahead of us, and the most important thing is to make the best of them, rather than sitting worrying about whether we're making the best of them...

The NHS is far from perfect, it's true - it's worth pursuing the fibromyalgia thing, and the way those blood tests were handled sucked, but we seem to be a lot better looked after here than we were in London. And don't feel that you're being sidelined with a diagnosis of depression. I think that life stress is certainly a problem for you; I suspect it's not the only problem, but getting rid of it will certainly help, and will make it easier to see what else is wrong (other than the back/IBS stuff we already know about!)

Don't feel that depression means "it's all in your head, you're just being lame and pathetic and anybody else would just get on with it; nothing's really wrong". Yes, depression is "in one's head", but so is a brain tumour. Why should psychological problems be treated any differently from physical? For a start, there isn't a definite line between them - many kinds of depression show up in brain function scans, distinctly from normal activity found in people who are simply temporarily unhappy. If that difference in brain function is the result of a genetic problem with neural function, a developmental function caused by exposure to toxins as a child, psychological trauma that has unbalanced hormone levels so much that they have not stabilised again, or more subtle properties of the brain - what's the difference?

What matters is that something - caused by some combination of environmental and genetic factors - is wrong that is making you suffer; and so the best thing to do is to try and (in order of decreasing importance) stop it getting worse, make the best of your life in spite of it, and then fix it.

I'm pretty sure you've been overdoing it lately; you gave up most of the things that made a nice, healthy, routine in your life to go and do the course. I think you're a lot happier with less deadlines; this makes sense, as people with chronic conditions will always have unpredictable performance on any given day, so forcing them to work at other than their own pace will just lead to them getting stressed. We're already having ideas about kinds of work you can do that will make the best of your skills at your own pace, bringing you money and self-fulfilment; so take the doctor's advice, take it easy for a month, then slowly start to experiment with some of it, alternating working on craft projects, writing, reading, and so on as your body lets you, rather than trying to force it. Earning money will make you feel better about yourself, will help reduce the financial stress in our lives, and (in the longer term) will mean I don't need to spend so much time working - so I'll be able to spend more time with you and Jean, or improving our lives in other ways by working on the house, keeping on top of housework, and working with you on case mods and writing projects!

When our debts are paid off and we have savings again, and you are healthier and happier from having led a more balanced life on your own terms, we'll be able to spend more and more of our time on cool projects that may or may not earn us money (but it'll be fun finding out), and have ducks and goats and bees and more children and everything we dream of...

I've edited your comment to remove your phone number as I assumed you didn't really want that in the public domain

I try to avoid moo cow milk and its products as that makes me sick definatly.

I just wanted to ask - is your doctor one of these swines who won't admit that fibromyalgia is a real disease? Your symptoms are literally identical to my Mum's - chronic joint and back pain, IBS, depression, sleep problems, and she has been diagnosed with fibromyalgia. Check out the wikipedia page

First thing to do is ask your doctor for Lyrica (Pregabalin) - it specifically treats neuropathic pain, unlike the opioids and NSAIDS you have no doubt been prescribed. As regards the IMS, my mum's had some success moderating it with diet - have you tried going lactose free for a while? Also there's a herbal supplement called Iberogast which has helped my mum.

I'm so sorry you're going through this, but I understand what you're going through as I've seen how awful these symptoms can make your quality of life

Call me if you need a sympathetic ear

Si x