Van calamity

Last Sunday, we attempted to go to Cheltenham in the van, as Sarah had a WoPoWriMo launch meetup to attend.

We're used to having to deal with ice on the hills leading out of our valley, as water from the farm fields tends to run off into the road; so if it gets cold, it turns into sheets of ice. There were a few patches of ice on the way up, but nothing like what I've managed in the past, so imagine my surprise when I turned a sharp bend onto a sheet of ice that spanned the entire road. The van promptly lost traction, so I stopped and attempted to gently reverse back around the corner to try a different route.

Sadly, the steering had no effect, quickly followed by the brakes; the van began a slow, graceful, unstoppable pirouette until it ended up like this, with the nose wedged into the bank:

That's looking down the hill from above. As you can see, I'd already done a bit of salt-spreading by the time that photo was taken; before I spread the salt, the ice was so slick that I couldn't actually stay standing if I got out the driver's side, I had to climb across Jean and get out the other side.

Sarah had a deadline, so headed off on foot to try and catch a bus, leaving me with Jean to try and free the van. I could reverse it as the rear wheels just span, despite me shoving some road salt underneath. I tried letting the rear tyres down, in the hope that a larger surface area in contact with the ground would help me get traction, but no luck.

So I proceeded to salt the ice sheet; if I could find somebody with a tractor of a 4x4, perhaps they could pull the van from above and get it free of the bank, then I could complete the turn and head off down hill. The salt began to melt the ice, and then salty water started to flow underneath the ice sheet, creating pretty patterns; and allowing me to wack it with my folding shovel to break it, at which point I found out it was a good half inch thick, even after being partly dissolved from beneath:

But the one tractor-owner I knew the number of wasn't answering, and another that a passer-by knew couldn't help, so I continued to try and get it free myself. I gave up on being able to drive backwards, so I took the folding shovel (it's actually a military surplus trenching tool. Good job I carry a military surplus trenching tool in the van, isn't it?) and dug the bank away to release it.

After making sure the ice was well gritted. I didn't want to be downhill of a tonne of van, working away at the one thing holding it in place, while it was on a slick icy surface.

After much digging (indeed, it was now two hours after getting stuck in the first place), with the steering wheel on full lock to the left and the rear wheels spinning, I managed to get the van out forwards, and set off down the hill. Surprisingly, the front of the van wasn't ruined, as I'd thought it might be:

Jean was surprisingly patient for a four year old strapped into a stranded vehicle while I worked away; I figured she'd be safer strapped in than running around on the ice with me, even if another car came and hit the van.

The Saga of the Flat Tyre

Yesturday Barbara was getting ready to go out and as always she went to drive Madge - her canary yellow MG convertable round to the front of the house in to await when she was ready. Jean loves to rid in the car for these little manoovers and so it was that I was sitting there working on a book review at the table in the garden when I notice that her rear wheel was - erm as flat as a pancake.

I call to her and she looks and is startled and then confused that she hadn't felt that it was flat.

Anyway (stupidly in hindsight) I wandered off to check the washing on the line and to put some more up in the workshop on the drying rack.

When I come back Jean is standing up in the car whilst Barbara jacks it up on on of those little tiny jacks that looks like two metal brackets bolted together. Jean is playing with the wheel nuts and is absolutely covered in grease.

I tentively ask if I should remove Jean from the vechile Barbara says no it wont make any difference and continues to jack up the car on a slope. I look at the set up and its shifting!

Barbara hasn't noticed and I'm shouting and pulling her away - I have no idea if she was already moving or anything like that. The car smashed down with a wide eyed Jean in it.

'That bumped me mummy' yes and thank god she hadn't been leaning over the side as she had been a few moments earlier when I came upon the scene.

The car was now sitting on its wheel hub

I removed Jean and took her to wash the grease off her hands - thinking of how I should have seen what was coming. We came back and Barbara had rejacked the car up and Jean tried to run over to the car as she wanted to go back in it and I grabbed her fearing the car would come back off of the Jack. Jean thought I was being very mean and got very grumpy with me.

But the car did slip again - the searing pressure on the jack just too much - this time it landed on the spare wheel.

Barabara then got another jack out of the garage and started jacking it up again - fearing that she was going to squash herself I stayed in the garden trying to occupy Jean in the 'jungle' so she wouldn't go near the car.

I went back to check just as the car slipped off of both Jacks - Barbara got a third out and Begain again. I was worried by this point - I'm sure that with jacking cars there are only certain places on the chassi that you can put them without twisting the car making it dangerous too drive.

Plus I knew she would just carry on until she either succeeded or something catastrophic happened

I couldn't offer to change the tyre for her a) its too physical for me to contemplate at this point in time, b) who would keep Jean away from the car? c) I would never ever risk a car jacked with one of those jacks on flat ground let alone a slop. I grew up playing with jacks and the ones Barbara has really are not safe at the best of times

Anyway she then asked me to keep an eye on the wheel and the bolt bits on the hub - so I stood on the bank with a fierce grip on Jean praying that Barbara wasn't going to get hurt and panickig everytime she put her arm between the wheel and the car - my mind couldn't help but think - if the car falls off now she'll loose her arm etc...

All I can do in these situations is voice my concern.

Barbara thought I was being silly not letting Jean near the car as she would have been fine inside it. (not if it then squashed Barbara she wouldn't have been - Jean loves Barbara and that would be a bad bad thing to happen and yes I am probably being a really paranoid mummy again.)

Anyway - she got the wheel back on and then went of to Gloucester in one piece and came back ok too which was a relief.

My RingGo Ordeal

Many months ago, I happened to park my red van in a car park in Swindon, that had a facility to pay by card over the phone. Which was great, because I didn't have enough cash for the ticket. All was well.

But then today, I parked my new orange van in a car park in Stroud, that has the same facility provided by the same operator. So when I ring the number, it recognises me, and says "To park your red Ford Transit, registration censored, in location some number, please press 1; to park elsewhere, press 2".

So I press 2. And it asks me the number of my location (a number printed on the sign). And it asks me for payment details. Then it says "Thanks! You now have a parking ticket! If you want to contact us, check out our web site on www.myringgo.com!" And hangs up.

I note that it hasn't asked me my vehicle registration; in other words, it's assumed I'm still in the same vehicle since I rang from the same number, and gave me no option to do otherwise. It didn't even actually confirm what I was paying for; it said what the parking would cost, but otherwise just asked me questions, and never said "Ok, are you sure you want to pay amount on this card to park registration in location for three days?" - so I continued through the process, expecting to be asked if it was the same vehicle or if I had a new one, and then suddenly found myself hung up and having paid to park the wrong van.

Anyway, my train is then arriving, so I jump on it, open my laptop, and connect to the wonders of the Mobile Internet: 25% packet loss and an average ping round trip time of 15,000ms (yes, fifteen seconds) but sometimes 80,000ms (yes, a minute and twenty seconds). I go to said URL, and it's reasonably usable; but once I've had my PIN sent to my mobile and logged in, it switches to SSL.

SSL, it seems, is highly latency sensitive, since it then proceeds to take five to ten minutes to load each page, as I excruciatingly navigate their menus. I find a list of vehicles, and lo, there's my red van listed - and marked as "locked" since it's currently got an active parking session, so it can't be edited. But it suggests that you can use the Contact Us form to ask them to edit a locked vehicle for you. There's no number to ring apart from the number to talk to the automated booking system that assumes I'm still in a red van; so I go to the form, and have to jump through all the hoops of the automated systems that try and stop people from actually talking to a human, confirming I've read the FAQs and all that (thankfully, the FAQs are on plain HTTP, so quite usable), and of course having to choose my type of query from a list (where most of the options try and direct you to a FAQ or another part of the site).

There's an option for Incorrect Vehicle! So I go for that. And lo, it takes me to the page to edit my vehicles, telling me I can't edit my red van because it's currently parked. So I had to go back through the system to try and find a generic problem type that will get me to a human, then submit a query. I submit the form, and it says they'll get back to me.

If they've clamped or towed my van when I get back, or try and fine me, I'll be ANGRY...

UPDATES: See the comments for the ONGOING STORY!

Getting Lost With Dad

Today me, dad and Jean went out to find an oil filler cap for his car and do other sundry errands. We got abit lost around the village of Staverton and Dad was panicking abit so I took over the navagation and between the two of us we found our way.

Dad hates getting lost and was actually panicking but then we found this lovely church and we stopped to take photos and look and the map and suddenly it turned into a lovely outing.

The sun was shining and there was lovely blossoms on the trees and lots of flowers - orange tipped butterflies and the like. We did our chores and then decided to head to Gloucester docks for an actual outing.

Jean loves the boats and spent an age just walking around looking at them all - dad carrying my lavander sparkly tote bag which caused lots of hilarity in the shop were I bought him and Jean an ice-cream (I'm still too sick for things like ice-cream). We sat watching the ducks whilst they ate the ice creams with Jean changing her mind every few minutes as to which seat we should be sitting on!

Jean got a bit upset that the ducks would 'full over' the stuff in the water - this was the litter that people had dropped in the water - she was most indignant about this

We watched one of the narrow boats in a lock that was filling very very slowely - the men looked grumpy and didn't wave at JEan though she was proclaiming she wanted to live on a boat!

We then went into the antiques place where Jean decided she only wanted to look at the Dr Who stuff! Though we found a 'pretty light' in a room full of stuff that looked like I'd been let loose with ceramics! Jean loves all the old furniture and was more interested in going in and looking at the 'pretties' which were all chest and things than looking at the dinky toys or the ty toys with dad which was a suprise.

And then I made a mistake - I wanted a cup of tea and JEan asked for something to eat and selected a packet of quavers - sure if we share them I said and we did and Jeans mood changed to one of complete horrible small whirling dervish! I was so embarressed as she shouted she wasn't stupid and stuff and ran off.

We left - Jean in disgrace and me vowing to check out exactly what is in quavers and feeling slightly guilty that I didn't check the ingredients when I know that one of the red food colourings is bad for her behaviour etc...

On the way out though we saw a youth-dude hanging upside down from the ancient crain - so I tried to take a pick but he moved as I was getting the camera out!

I was a sad that Jean's behaviour had deteriated so much we were going home as punishment when we had been going to go to a country park for her to run around and stuff - never mind though it was a nice day over all.

From Snowed-in In London….

We are under snow here and with the van at least the roads are impassable so we are stuck!

I will probably take quadzillions of photos whilst this lot lasts so you have been warned. Turned out Barbara managed to crash her car (not badly) whilst we were away which isn't good And we have had to cancel scouts which is sad too. The school is also apparently closed.

Getting home last night was not fun - we almost couldn't get the van down into the valley - the road across the common ways inch thick compacted ice with snow on top and trecherous.

It off course started snowing on our way home - we had waited to see if we would be ok going home.

Conditions rapidly deteriated.

Once it got really bad I couldn't take pics as the light levels were simply too low.