First Day Back

It's Jean's first day back at school today - she is actually five now!

I made sure we had everything ready last night and we where ready in plenty of time until it came time to leave and I discovered I'd completely forgotten lunch!

Anyway she got to school ok - she was very impatient this morning to get there and instantly disappeared into the playground with the other kids.

The only thing was I had to write a letter to the school about the library book they had sent Jean home with over the summer - it was a big book of bible stories and crafts and also some little 'moral' stories and true stories. It was these latter two that made me decide to censor it.

They were absolutely awful with implications that those who had been abused in the Nazi Death/Work/War Camps were not protected by God because they didn't hold secret bible meetings :/ And many similar things, including a child in what I would call a mentally abusive situation trying to gain some self respect only to be hit back down because they 'stole' from the parents :/

I'm sorry I just could not read this to my child. And because these bits where hidden in the 'side-boxes' I don't think the school had any idea what it was like either. I was highly unimpressed.

Business Beany!

Having told Jean we didn't have any money to do something she then started collecting stone and filling her pockets, my pockets and daddy's pockets. When asked why she needed the stones her response was:

'So I can sell them to people who make cement.'

I personally was amazed she realised cement makers would need stones :/

Her next stroke of genius came when she started painting lots of pictures very carefully and then handing them too me.

'You need to keep these safe mummy so you can sell them.' :/

There have been a few others like, 'Work more, go out less, then we have more money for yummy food!'

I think this is because I vetoed a Ben Ten cake in the super market!

Mum pointed out that as I child I came up with more involved schemes that I even made money from like making compost and plant feed, potting up cuttings in yogurt pots - these I sold to the little old ladies who would give me seeds to grow for them which they then bought back for like 5-20p.

I made jewellery out of paper I socked and coloured with felt tip - this was all infant school age by the way! This I sold for 10p an item.

Junior School age me and the boy next door trolled the river in a convenient bend just after the golf course and sold the golf balls back to the golfers - some of these fetched a very good price up to £4!

I would find a penny on the floor walk up to the sweet shop, buy one sweet and sell it to the kids who weren't allowed as far as the shop for 2p. I would then go back to the shop untill I had about 20p at which point I bought me and David sweets which we ate up immediatly!

Senior school was a bit boring - I just made friendship braclets which I sold for 20p-£1 depending on intricasies. I also got to school early to go to the stationary shop and bought the sort of things my friends liked and sold them on at a marked up price (they didn't tend to get in early enough!).

Oh and towards the end had a proper job as in a paper round.

I wonder what else Jean will come up with - personally I'm quiet impressed with what she's coming out with - she is still only 4!

Boundary Walk Flare Up

So yesterday as per usual we did the Boundary Walk or Olives Walk - this year was not the full boundary just 9 miles. Alaric didn't think I should do it as I was in a little bit of pain in the morning but it's sort of an important thing for me to do - it was the first 'real' walking I managed after Jean was born and though I didn't manage all of that first years (full 15 mile boundary!) I did manage the first and last part.

Jean has been on at least part of each walk and last year like this year she did the whole walk and was still running and jumping when we got home. Last year her and daddy brought up the rear - this year Jean spent her time running between mummy and daddy so goodness knows how far she actually walked/run!

The walk was hard going for me I have to say - not as bad as that first year but definatly not as good as subsequent years

By the time we stopped for tea and cakes my pelvis was clicking and the little 'dimple' on the right had size felt inflamed and ouchy to touch, my whole right hip was on fire too. At this point there was a nice lady offering lifts and for whatever reason I managed to miss her and so found my self coninuing on with the walk.

I was definatly bringing up the rear this time - so much so that Alaric begain hanging back with me and had to be a second 'crutch' (I had my hiking stick) for parts of it.

Olive was nice walking back with me towards the end chatting about walking and about walking on the flat - I confided that's why I go shopping in Cheltenham so I can do a long walk on the flat coving one end of the town to the other.

I got a lift back from the walk meeting place which was gratefully received. I almost couldn't stand when I got back out the car though and walking for the rest of the evening was interesting.

I took the painkillers I'm actually allowed at the moment and had a long bath which helped a lot. (I've generally been avoiding any pain killers as I just don't like the idea whilst being pregnant hence my grumpyness)

We went to bed and I found that all feeling of my pelvis shearing actions like just sitting up to sip some water felt like my pelvis was being renched on the right hand side

I finially feel asleep and had nightmares - well they were more a jumble of memories - crutches, physio, pain clinic etc... not getting my shoulder operation because of the state I was in etc...

I awoke sobbing with Alaric hugging me and you know it hit me - I'm petrified of going through labour again, petrified of finding myself in the state I was in with Jeany. I thought I'd got all this sorted in my head - I'm hoping for a C-section but now apparently there is doubt about weather I can have one because of this whole 'natural birth' scheme going on. But I only didn't have a C-section with Jean because the doctor didn't get there in time (as in I moved into the room where C-sections happen and he got called away to someone who was worse than me and by the time he came back Jean was crowning and very stuck).

Anyway this morning I'm on heat treatments but walking is basically out

However I'm still glad I did the walk - if I hadn't done it I would probably have felt so down at not being able to 'walk' again.

I am also concerned that my pelvis is acting up this much already - I mentioned it at my initial meet up with the mid-wife and at the Drs but it's too early apparently :/ I know it's never really settled down properlly but this is getting to the rolling over in bed and it goes bang stage which didn't happen until the last trimester with Jean.

I suppose it could be all the passing out

Last night I went and stared at Jean and stroked her hair - she is so bueatiful she was worth all I went through but at the moment I'm having a hard time equating pain with new baby and it's just scary instead.

Chris Al-Asward

Last night I leaned of some sad news, Chris Al-Asward also known as Lethe Bashar died in July just after his 31st birthday. This came as a bit of a shock as I was just wondering where he had got too so went to check his twitter profile. Being the brains and drive behind Escape Into Life I hadn't noticed a complete absence as his other twitter account was still going strong being the one that drove his EIL project.

On his profile page was a tweet saying he had tragically died I couldn't believe it and felt crushed at the same time and then that sinking feeling of - do I have the right to be this upset - after all I have never met him in the flesh. He lives the other side of the world but he had found me on twitter and had encouraged me in the realms of art and writing.

When I have pain flare ups I sometimes cannot sleep and he was often there to talk too. I started my art journal because of a side project he started with the idea of it being sold in the EIL shop. I've took far longer on this than I have expected but I love working on the Art/Visual Poetry Journal.

It is also through him that I found The Flying Trilobite a young artist who seeks to combine science and art, I can't remember but I think he was profiled on EIL. And it was then through him I found the paleo-art site Art Evolved finially giving me a way to combine the two parts of me - The Artist and the Scientist.

Part of my anguish last night was having not noticed that someone I regually talk to was gone, I know the last few months have been pretty much a wipe out for me but still Also as Alaric agreed with me - what of his books? His work? His Art? His Creations? What would happen to them?

I have been told since that there are plans to publish these and everyone is working hard to mantain the websites. The is also a Prize in the pipelines The Chris Al-Asward Prize for braking down the barriers in the arts.

I did cry and it made me realise that my definition of friendship is probably quiet different from most peoples. I am sad that Chris is gone. I spent last night trying to track down all his sites and stuff - getting stumped for a while until I remembered he'd gotten rid of one of his twitter accounts and stuff like that.

I also signed his memorial book.

TYCHRIS

Summer Holidays

I feel I have slightly failed with the school holidays - I had lots of things planned but in the first week the first three things I attempted to do with Jean where grand failures :/

First off I had planned that she could join a library and we would go once a week during to holidays so we went off to Painswick only to see the library didn't open on Mondays (I should have looked closer at this point but I didn't). I thought never mind lets go to the Museum in the Park in Stroud but when we got there it turned out Mondays was like a special club day and it wasn't open

Me and Jean looked at the swans and ducks on the lake instead and played wind in the willows.

Then the next day we tried the library again only to find that it is shut perminantly due to public health reasons - now I knew it had been shut a while ago but had assumed it had been fixed :/

Mum and Dad rescued this second day of failure by taking us to Pizza Hut.

The third day I took Jean to Prim Rose Vale Farm Shop where I passed out crushing her ice-cream and having to go to hospital before she had gotten even five minutes on the toys :/

We were doing home school which Jean loves but she loves it too much and just got too tired and haven't really done any for two weeks now :/

I did manage to take her to the Wearable Art Parade in Painswick and she went to the Docks with mum and dad and to Tweksberry. But I found that I had miscalculated and we had run out of money so I couldn't take to the cinamar or to any of the museums :/

I have also failed to organise friends to come and play as they have all been on holiday

She did however really enjoy the Village Feast all two days of it! With lots of her school friends about!

We are starting to gear up making the decorations for her party and her cousins are visiting this week which is more the sort of thing I was expecting. We also have the Boundary Walk at the weekend which she always enjoys

People are now starting to appear to ask Jean round to play which is good - but I do feel I have failed slightly with organising a good holiday for her and she has been bored and I'm afraid very naughty