Search: pelvis

2 Yrs (by )

Sarah on stick 2014 Sarah 2016

2 yrs ago I was drawing to the end of my PGCert in Science Communication - I had had a huge relapse of chronic fatigue, pain, my bleeding had grown heavier again (I had been bleeding since Mary's birth in 2011). I was starting to think it really was that I just couldn't take stress... my stomach was on the blink also and a new thing had started happening during the lecture clusters I attended.

So everytime I tried to go back to education or proper out of the house with people work I got sicker - a lot sicker obviously it was stress.

Plus the new thing - the new thing was migraines, I was getting headaches but not just headaches, as I stared at the various smart screens and projectors and especially if they room had flickering lights or they turned the damn things off all together I would get vertigo and weird colours arching through and around the lighted up screens.

Migraine with aurors - my blood pressure was up - not really very high but bar my labour with Jean my blood pressure has always been low. This was potentially an issue with the headaches, obv. it was because I was also fat. Well doh of course I was my arthritis was bad, my pelvis was bad, I was aneamic and worse I was eating 1600 cals on a day and still whopping on weight and I could tell that was getting worse - infact before I'd gone to the dr I had worked out my money and deciding I was really too ill to attempt the second year and wanting to take Cuddly Science further without the worry of academia I used my left over cash to by a recumbant exercise bike with padded broad seat and back and a £7 pedometer - the pedometer was inaccurate and infuriating and lasted about 3 days when I dropped it and it died.

Dr sent me to the diabetic-thyroid-dietician nurse and gave me pills (which do also help regulate thyroid though I think they were the second lot of tablets and they are for the headaches primarily). Due to blood clotting issues there was also the risk of strokes if things continued as they were.

This is where I discovered that my maintain calorie count is actually a depressing 1400 (thanks to being short and having a lighter "Asian" bone structure rather than the dense bones of "Europeans") and to make it worse I found that when I publically announced this people began messaging me to say it wasn't that bad - well it was it was FREAKING HELL! Because I wasn't on 1400 which to be frank I am always going to be hungry on even when it is whole foods, but I was on a strict cal count diet to attempt to shock my system into working again. 1000-1200 cals a day.

I was passing out, I was grumpy, I got bad breath and starvation headache (to go with the tension headache, sinus headaches and migraines I was already suffering from). One of the many emails I got was from a friend who had had similar issues to me with back pain and I knew she'd lost a lot of weight etc... I was skeptical, and I was very hacked off at people telling me what to do especially as they all had different advice (and yes I know you were all trying to help and you kind of did but I was still grumpy!). Anyway she said that her key had been to stop eating wheat... my sugar levels were erratic which is why I was passing out I spoke with the nurse and I decided to go back on what I term my "Mary Pregnancy" diet which is meant buy buy to bread and pasta and stuff and knowing from all the tests I had at Chelsea and Westminster back during my degree I knew I had a sensitivity to wheat which is why I wasn't supposed to have white bread - so maybe that had gotten worse.

I cut wheat out... I cut it out mainly because it was the easiest why to drop my cal count and still fill I was eating something - Mushroom as pizza base here I came... without the cheese boo (oh and soya was making the bleeding worse so that was out too plus my sensitivity to latex and chilli had gotten worse - so that was the allergies and the intollerances because you know I have to collect the whole set!).

Sugar levels were a bit more stable so I continued hobbling my way to the climbing wall with my walking stick for the girls clubs etc... which I couldn't do whilst passing out and I mean what was that from anyway? The aneamia? Sugar levels? Pick and choose - I thought I was screwed for life I thought I was on the walking stick if not crutches for ever.

Now I still walked alot with the stick, I was slow and shuffly and it wore me out and I almost cried when the Dr asked didn't I do anything more "energetic"? And my emotions got worse with the suggestion of swimming - I was bleeding heavily enough with failed attempt at coil and oral pill etc... that I was given the choice of having laser ablation or hysterectomy and I didn't want them but I was thinking about them seriously, so how could I swim? Please just believe me flow was too heavy.

I struggled my way through 50 cal burns on the exercise bike I was walking 10 k steps a day just doing like house work and kids clubs but that was it there was no energy for anything else.

I had a pull up bar put in the house - I couldn't even reach it but I was damn well going to try and reach it everyday.

So it was after the 2 or 3rd visit to the nurse that cut out the wheat and six weeks or so on from that when... I started getting better. It was early autumn I'd gotten the bike in May (so year approx two years ok!). It was warm and sunny and I was walking with Jean to her climbing and I suddenly thought hmmm I'm not really leaning on my stick that much today, so a walked abit without. Now with the pelvis and chronic fatigue etc... I sometimes had good spells anyway so didn't think that much about it but was kind of hoping I was going to be in remission for a bit.

People at the climbing wall started to say how I didn't look "bloated" anymore. And it was true my hard painfull stomach was not, it was still fat and blobberly but not in the same way.

The next walk in I started off not using my stick and got to the first corner, then the a bit further the next time, the stick is a folding one so I could take it with me just incase.

(p.s. I will confess I only got the swanky pedometer to prove to the dr that I was walking as far as I said I was because I knew with weight and stick it seemed unlikely and though not said I'm pretty sure she didn't believe me but with the app I had graphs!).

Anyway armed with extra information that my aunt and mother have celiacs disease and the fact that the nurse, dr... etc where kind of amazed at the improvement. They suggested that I may or may not have it but definatly I react to wheat, to be tested I'd have to go back on it for 6 weeks - that was not going to happen, we know from my record that I have an autoimmune system reaction to wheat and from my point of view it doesn't really matter the prescription food contains other foods I'm allergic and intollerant to and would be just for me and what ever it is it makes me sick.

Looks like it was my packed lunches and economy university cafe food that was making me sick - realised that when I am at home I eat very little bread and paster - enough to still be causing some problems but not enough to cause full out body-gemmon (remembering my body loves autoimmune diseases so as far as I can tell it needs any old excuse to eat itself).

My arthritis cleared up, my pelvis stopped shifting about, gut calmed down, the hernia and seperated muscles sorted themselves out. Then the bleeding stopped, I was loosing weight!

My cal count was getting upped.

About a year in and the bleeding stopped, my bloods for everything then came back normal a little while later. I started swimming. I could stand up and reach my pull up bar I kept trying to pull myself up - it wasn't working.

By January last year I was well enough to started climbing, me climbing with new purple climbing shoes - I could only manage 15 mins the first week but that soon increased. I was doing the digging at the allotment, trying to convince Al my back was good enough to carry and lift things - I planked!!!! I increased planking time to 1 min.

It was amazing (I'm trying not to use religous words here!). My other food intollerances got less sensitive - though the allergies seem slightly worse (boo so now no strawberries or bannanes). I had a few blips, times of feeling like flu, fearing I was just in a good patch in the chronic fatigue but then it turned out that some vinegar is made from wheat, some chocolate has malt extract in, barely, spelt and a swath of other things are just wheat in disguise, oh and my favourites... someone bought "gluten" bread in the house and toasted it in my toaster and no you can't use the knife from the other cake and fish/onion rings etc and the chips all fried together. Other thing that caught me out - glazes of some ham, some fizzy drinks have malt derived stuff :/

Pretty much every flare up I had we then found I'd consumed something with probably only trace amounts of wheat in :/ It's a pain feeding me now but the difference is amazing.

I got down to about 11 stone from almost 14 (with the uncontrolled gestational diabeties during Jean's pregnancy I had gone from about 8-9 stone to 16 stone by eating hospital food and then I really struggled to loose any of it in the following years but I did loose a couple of stone with Mary's pregnancy where I knew what I was doing with the diabeties and was in charge of my own food I put on 1 stone during the pregnancy and was 14 at the end of it. It was then going up and down depending on pain etc... issue being feed back loops and loading on seperated pelvises and insulin tollerance etc... I was very worried that I was failing to maintain my weight I had lost some and then got put on hormones to try and stop bleeding and on and on but I was off of those and had been for a while and my weight had still been going up... which is why I was releived when the Dr mentioned help with weight). Then cuts came in and my nice helpful nurse had her postition axed and went off to find a job in the private sector or Australia or as she put it "somewhere I am allowed to actually help people" - well she helped me but the next appointment I had was a nurse saying "I'm not qualified to deal with you, you no longer count as over weight enough even though you are not in your target weight, if you want monitoring go back to the Dr and get referred to the hospital but they wont have anyone qualified to deal with you either."

So that was that - and we bought a pair of scales for the house which Al guards so I can't check my weight all the time and he gives me rewards - I got down to 10 stone earning myself nail vanish and things...

We found Free From sections in supermarkets are huge now and calories still count.

The idea being 1400-1600 cals a day and the remaining weight lose through exercise. I got myself medals to attempt marathon type walks and planned to take up and kind of did take up running.

My skin conditions cleared up!!!!

I could raise my feet off the ground, not once but several times but only from one way round and I wanted to be able to do both types of pull up. I managed 150 cal burns easily on the bike.

Of course at the beginning of the summer (2015) I got a little carried away with this new found movement of body and was dancing my little cotton socks off with my 10 yr old at one of the festivals I work at. I was having a fab time, so was she we were waiting for a band I hadn't seen since I was like 17 doing Summer on the South Bank as part of the "youth" component. I felt weird and dizzy and couldn't regain my balance and fell over backwards off the grass onto the concrete.

And that was the headbang whilst headbanging and the not acting my age or knowing my limits. Scans and stuff showed sinus polyp growths from my food allergies and an ancient compacted vertibrea or something (they told me whilst concused but it's been like it so long it wont be causing problems - I assume it is from my bike accident as a teen or something). Sadly there is still on going stuff from that but functioning wise for kids and things I am still so much better than I was 2 yrs ago - more on that when I know more.

During the two months of main recovery I was eating when ever and numbers and memory where shot and I was asleep most of the time so calorie counting didn't happen. And even though I was eating ALOT when we did remember to weigh me I had lost weight taking me down to the 9 and a half stone - I vaguely started trying to do some exercise in the autumn but was restricted with what still hurt the head including the damn impact site.

There were more head issues around Christmas but I managed to start exercise again properly in the new year - mainly after the weigh in showed I'd put on 1/4 of a stone! Eeking me periously near that 10 stone mark once more.

This is actually an upbeat post honest!

So anyway I lost the 1/4 of a stone but am still stuck at 9 and 1/2, giving me a stone and a half to loose for target but weight was never really the focus - health was.

And I can now do 200-300 cal burns a sitting and try for 500 on the exercise bike, my body shape has changed itself around to adjust to the weight lose - belly is still a huge flap and as promised by the Dr is even flappier! But my bum is skinnier so I had to take the chocks off of my exercise bike as my legs are now apparently longer! I can manage 5 almost full pull ups one way and one the other, I can do a minute planks (still only 1 minute it was one of things I couldn't due after head bang as it made everything thud!) I don't wee myself as much when attempting to run (TMI?), I haven't made it back climbing but have been swimming - co-ordination simply was not good enough and part of the problem with the concussion is it's cumalative and this wasn't my first headbang by far so now I am trying to work out how to prevent future ones without stopping doing the stuff I love.

I kind of want a six pack - I've always wanted one but was actively disuaded from various exercises at school as they could apparently dislodge womb and overies - since been told by exercise experts that that is a load of bull and you know I may not have ended up with those seperated muscels in the first place if I'd done what I wanted! But anyway did I mention I was doing my weights again - I've had to go back to the very smallest and it is really the first time since having Mary and she's 5 now!

Oh year my RSI is a lot better too - I assume due to my body not being inflammed all the time.

Anyway I basically wanted to do a before and after pic but I never really wanted/want photos taken of me so I got Al to take the current photo of me in the star dress - kind of hoping I can trim those arms up a bit more and vanity does have me - I started the weights again as with the weight loss I did kind of have bingo wings!

The before pic is one Jean sneakily too of me on our way to or from the climbing wall - I am hunched over the stick attempting to put my bag back on my shoulder - I didn't know she'd taken it or it on my phone or I probably would have deleted it at the time.

So yeah - I thought the two photos highlighted more than the weight change!

Concussion (by )

For all of the time I've known her, Sarah has been poorly. When we first met, she was being investigated for a bowel problem, and she also suffered shoulder pain from a bike accident when she was a teenager. When she was pregnant with our first child, she had an exciting array of complications, and took many years to recover from the experience; she had mobility issues and pain due to a separated pelvis, lacked energy, had reduced sensation in her legs, and so on. The second pregnancy was nowhere near as bad, but Sarah still bled for months afterwards due to problems with her womb lining.

However, some months ago, while trying to lose weight, she cut wheat from her diet; and a load of niggling health problems she had reduced significantly, while her energy levels rose. She suddenly found it easier to lose weight, and things were looking pretty rosy.

However, this meant that she wasn't certain of her limits any more. Last Sunday, she was dancing, and found that she could now dance hard, and didn't need to keep stopping and resting; until she was suddenly dizzy, and stumbled backwards off of the nice soft grass and onto a concrete path, where she fell over backwards and hit her head hard on the ground.

I didn't see it happen; I was looking the other way, but Jean called out to me, and I saw Sarah lying on her back. She was instantly surrounded by people, and a paramedic was at hand almost immediately, so other than providing my cloak as a blanket, my role was reduced to holding her hand and helping Jean to pack up our things so we could leave.

This led to a thrilling trip in an ambulance with her neck immobilised, and several hours in A&E being examined and X-rayed.

Sarah with concussion, and her neck immobilised

Thankfully, this revealed that she had no structural damage to her spine or skull, so she could be released from the collar and head restraints, and sent home.

Jean was a star throughout; she rode in the ambulance, with Sarah's glasses and phone and medication, while I followed in the car, and helped the ambulance staff by verifying the truth of questions they asked Sarah to check her memory function. She didn't panic, even though it was clearly stressful for her, and did all the right things.

On Monday, Sarah mainly slept. On Tuesday, my father and stepmother visited, and we had a day out; Sarah was still speaking slowly and having short-term memory problems (forgetting where she put things, mainly). But on Wednesday she was struggling, with her speech slurring and often struggling to remember words for things, so she spoke haltingly. So we took her back to A&E, where she was given a CT scan, which thankfully confirmed that she didn't have any bleeding inside her skull (which would have been bad news). So she was let out again, and told to come back if she wasn't better in another week and a half.

At the time of writing, a week after the accident, she still has difficulty concentrating for long conversations, and can't concentrate on reading or watching TV or anything like that for more than a few minutes at a time. If she tries, she starts to struggle to think clearly at all, and her speech worsens. I've not kept track, but she sleeps through the night and probably spends at least a quarter of the day napping, and has to restrict her waking hours to mentally non-taxing tasks. Loud noises cause her pain, and I've been having to work from home to keep an eye on her and to keep Mary from bothering her.

So, it looks like she has Post-concussion Syndrome; this means she may be better in a few weeks - or may well be like this for years. Apparently about one in ten people still have symptoms after a year.

Her personality is intact, and her memories all seem to still exist; she just has to take her time to find them, which makes conversation difficult at times. But she can't do any of the things she loves to do, because sustained concentration renders her zombie-like within minutes. Unless that clears up, her career in writing, crafts workshops, and science communication will be over. I feel reasonably confident I can leave her looking after herself at home now, but she won't cope on days when Mary is not at nursery, so if things don't improve my job may become awkward until Mary starts at school in September, too.

So, for the time being, all we can do is hope it gets better!

Exercise and the Failure to Diet (by )

So today I take Jean swimming, today I go swimming for the first time without needing aid to get into the pool for a decade. Today I am fretting that without my glasses on I will not be able to keep track of my 9 yr old or that due to not having been swimming much I will have forgotten how to and I could only just barely swim as it was.

Today I stand here with two swimming costumes, my new one black and multicoloured and my old one - black and white. One is really too big for me and one is really a little too snug and just fit last week and I've had a pigging out birthday weekend so my stomach is not wanting to be compressed.

I am fretting that one will slip off and the other will leave back dugs - or folds of skin, I am fretting that before Alaric has always been there and now I wont be the obvious wife and mother but just me and I do not look young and beautiful. At the same time I worry because I put the swim suit on and I feel naked and exposed and I'll be in public. I have some pit stubble and some leg hair and I don't want to use my energy in dealing with them as that may result in no swimming. I am only an ok size if I hold my stomach in and it hurts today.

I have the scar on my knee from the 10 yr old biking me and scars from caving mucking up my shin and the varicous vein sticking out and ugly on my thigh, cellulite bobbling and I'll admit I don't look that different to me as a teen and I felt all of this then as I panicked over day glow bikini or my turquoise swim suit.

And I just want to hide but Jean... Jean is growing up and wants to swim, I can take her now - for the first time since being a mum I myself by myself can take her. She is already self concous and worried about her body and I don't know if confiding in her or hiding it from her is best.

Bingo bango bong - it's time talk about my diet and expectations. People think the diet is about weight loss but it's not I've also felt fat, it doesn't matter what size I am I look in the mirror and see the same sized person. For a little back ground on that - this has been the case when I was size 8 to being in the last trimester of pregnancy at a whopping 16 stone. One of the swim suits is an 18 and the others a 10 - to look at they don't seem that different.

My diet has been driven by medical stuff and the want to feel better - of course I want to look better but I resigned myself to being not normal aesthetics a long time ago. This is part of the panic before I go out.

My hair is big, it is frizz, it is curl, my skin is blotchy and changes colour and I have scars and now stretch marks. I have an enormous bottom - always have had, it sticks out and is wide. It's just the way I am.

I like weird clothing but I know from having tried that I still stick out even in normal clothing so I might as well wear what I want.

Recently the diet has kind of failed, I have reverted to the 1600 cals a day and I no longer have a nurse to talk to about this. However, I am now a quantified self and have been monitoring things - not weight Alaric deals with that as I don't really want to know. But I do know that my weight has plateud, which is amazing as I keep eating 200 cals more than my maintain intake. The maintain is what you can eat without putting weight on but you wont loose weight on it either.

And the strange thing is that everyone is now commenting on the weight loss but I am no longer loosing it - what is happening however is that I am going down dress sizes. I am physically becoming smaller or more compact as I exercise.

For me it is strange how the focus is on the weight loss, I assume this is because it is the most easily quantifiable thing?

On the other hand my pedometer game is going really well and today I won a pink lemur, the more exercise I do the more in game energy I have to make plants grown and to build buildings with. I still have huge areas to unlock on my maps and it is my main motivator - except now the headaches are under control and the pelvis is behaving and the bleeding has stopped I am enjoying the exercise - but I wasn't before not why that was all going on - I was just doing it when I could for fear of being unfit/fat except there was no way I could do enough.

I mention this as there are people out there who keep trying to use me as a gauge for themselves - you can't. I couldn't even use myself as a gauge six months ago. Each person has to find out what works themselves and sadly my journey has been made a lot more doable by money. Yes you can exercise cheaply - ie running but without proper shoes you risk shin splints, without the pedometers motivations to actually do a run can be low.

Gyms cost money and adults on the kids climbing frames at the park can end up in the police being called. Swimming costs money, dance, climbing, yoga cost money. Youtube vids are free but can take alot of sorting and again motivation.

I like my allotment and it is exercise but... it cost money and it's not even a council one as I've now been on the waiting list for one of them for 3 yrs! They do not have enough allotments >:( Everyone should have access to an allotment >:(

This post initially was supposed to be about the emphasises being on health and not actual weight loss and how size and weight are a loose corralation and not absolute. But it was high jacked by my nerves about swimming and self identity and stuff.

I have everything packed and ready and I know Jean is uber excited - I've gone with the larger swim suit with the idea that a boob popping out maybe is preferable to being uncomftable and not being able to swim. Only time will tell if I can remember how to actually swim and for that matter get out of the pool by myself at the end of the session.

Exercise and a Diet That’s Wise (by )

Those who've been following will know that I am loosing weight - what is kind of weird is that I am still loosing weight even though I am now back up to the 1400 cals that I was eating before with binges of 1600. Of course it is not that weird, having lost a bit of weight, discovering in the process that I can't eat any wheat or barley etc... and having medication for headaches and what not and then the bleeding finally stopping. My pelvis finally settled down and most of the joint pain went so I can do stuff.

I've been running! Yes I know! Six months ago I was having to use the damn walking stick to walk into town and now I have little races with Jeany. I wish I could have done it before but I couldn't, I know because I was trying. Desperately. It took the combination of medication for under laying problems, getting equipment out of my own money that meant I could exercise without putting undue strain on the pelvis and could exercise at home so I could rest when needed, a 1000 cal diet for about 3 months during which time I was dizzy with white spots in vision, neaseatingly hungry and Mr McGrumpy Pants, and last but not least discovering that there was something else other than cow and soya that I was allergic/intollerant/having an immune response to.

To be honest I don't think I would have managed it without Al or the nurse or the money to eat properly and buy special equipment or if I'd had a full time job. In fact one of the things that became apparent to me was that everytime I have tried to go back to college I have become really ill again. It could just be the added strain but I don't think so because it was also taking me 2 weeks to recover from parties and the common factor was bread.

At home we didn't tend to eat it, but at parties there were sarnis and college there was packed lunches or bought sandwitches. I've done a couple of parties now without eating any wheat and it has not taken me two weeks to recover!

So this is all great, but you know I'm not actually that excited by the weight loss itself - what I am excited about is getting fit and doing stuff. So I am currently aiming to go to the climbing wall for a me climb once a month - and yes that is lame but it takes a while for my muscles to stop aching and being all fatigued enough to do a proper climbing session. It has been amazing to be able to climb again - I suck at it and it is frustrating because I remember being better but I think I'm doing well.

I have a Dr Who Walk/Run-athon which I am working my way towards and of course the exercise bike 🙂

Last night I did a 7 min work out with Alaric though I skipped a couple of the exercises though one of those was because I was still planking and this time I had to stop not because of my c-section scar or my stomach muscles but due to my shoulder! I did not even attempt the side planks but Al did.

(Shoulder is an old stunt biking accident - the same one where it turned out I'd broken my pelvis not that I knew it at the time).

Then we have the chin up bar - now I got this bar about 2 years ago and Al installed it and I was really trying with it. First off I couldn't even reach it with my hands, then I reached it and held on but couldn't lift my feet. Alaric on the other hand could bring his knees up to his chest but not do a pull up - we both wanted to do climbing again and it seemed like a good thing to train our upper body strength.

Eventually I managed to lift my feet off the ground - just a fraction. I was so excited though it really was nothing and it wasn't with my arms it was just trying to lift the legs using leg muscles and handing by my arms.

I am now 2 years later at the same point Alaric was in the beginning - I can pull my knees up to my chest and for the last 3 days I have been able to lift myself slightly with my arms. Yesterday I sung on the bar which was ACE, I lost my grip but did not crash to the ground but landed on my feet and my pelvis did not hurt! Stuff like this has been so painful for so long that mainly the last few months has been about testing limits. Amazingly I've only ended up with ouchy hip twice - though I am having a... erm... wee wee problem. I'm kind of just padding up and ignoring it and then showering as soon as I've had a run etc... TMI I am sure but I also know this is a problem a lot of women have and it needs to be talked about!

Alaric can now do 3 pull ups 🙂

I've caught up to him with the planking - now I need to do the same with the pull ups!

Also one day I would still like to do a full marathon - I had resigned myself that this was one life goal I could never reach but now very much I am starting to think it is back on.

Kind of should get some running shoes...

12 years… (by )

So today I went to the Drs to see how the weight loss was going and stuff, I was convinced I had piled it on over Christmas I felt a lot stockier than before Christmas and to be honest I ate a lot reaching 1600 on alot of the days. This is about the 1400 stable and 1200 weight loss that I sorted with the nurse. 1600 is what I was eating before I went to the Drs, the amount I was eating and wondering why my weight was creeping up as everyone knows women have 2000 calories a day - unless you are me. I am short, had a boarderline thyroid for a decade or so and as it turns out have the lighter Asian skeleton like my dad (as well as the afro-carrabean spin from my mum) - add in the low mobility and I was screwed.

But between tablets and the discovery that I can't eat wheat and sticking to the low calorie counts to loose the excess weight, I have been loosing weight but I seriously ate some food over the holiday and then my birthday and so on.

So imagine my surprise and delight when I go and find I have lost weight, not much but I have lost weight still. The key being that due to pelvis being a lot more stable I have been out doing more stuff, doing running games with the cubs and even managing a 20 minute climb. And then they said my bloods were all good, all the tests were normal!!!

That is the first time that has been said to me, no not sures, or a bit high, or oooo that's not goods or it's boarderline or here's a tablet to help control this. So amazing!

And that is the first time in about 12 years possibly more.

One of the conversations I had with the Dr recently was that I don't know what energy level I am supposed to have - I've not had "me" energy since I was 18, I don't think 30+ normally have the same the energy as a teen so I have no idea if I am back to normal or not and to a certain extent I kind of don't care either as I am so much better than I have been for so long. I feel a little bit sad that that bit of life is kind of missing for me but at the same time I have the girls and though maybe I could have taken them to more things if I'd been weller I also know they love snuggly time watching films and colouring and stuff and I still took them to parks it was just some days I couldn't and when I did it was the outing for the day.

Interestingly I came home thinking about what I was doing last time it looked like I might get better with all the back treatments and exclusion diets at Chelsea and Westminster. That was like 12 years ago as was me trying to get a PhD place, the one I really really wanted was with the Open University, but it relied on Beagle2 landing and collecting data. It didn't happen, the beagle disappeared and today I watched the press-conference live of how they've found it sitting there on the surface of Mars. It made me smile, bitter sweet and poetically lovely.

Maybe when I have a cyborg body I can fly to Mars and say hi to it 🙂

Of course with hindsight I think it was for the best for me, I became so very sick and my friend who got the PhD funding did far more with the chance than I think I would have because fundamentally I am a shyer person and just not as good at Chemistry and form filling!

And anyway I am not sure I wouldn't be in a similar place to were I am now anyway.

2015 is kind of gearing up to be an amazing year.

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