Category: The Family

Banks! (by )

Bank 'we urently need to talk to you about your account' I agree to go in get there and 'so what did you want to talk to us about?' Urg! I repeat what they told me - we go through the accounts and transactions and they say 'oh your credit rating is good do you want a loan - you could put your credit cards on there.' me 'erm no I have paid two off already I am out of my over draft and have a payment plan in place to deal with the other.' bank 'are you sure it's so fiddly having all these different payments you could put your husbands on the same account.' me 'erm no I didn't like having loans to pay off before.' bank 'but you did so well with paying them off you sure you don't want another?' me 'no thankyou.' Bank 'well if you change your mind or it gets to the point where you can change your mortgage over to us do come back and talk to us ok?' me 'ok thankyou bye.' bank 'buy'

Goals and Plans and Contingencies (by )

I've been thinking about where I am going as a person again. The career that I have built for myself is bitty and unreliable but is becominig more structured. I have discovered that trying to do any of it for money soley is a no go. Trying to do stuff for other people doesn't tend to work that well either. What does work is just having skill and abilities that people can call on and a body of pre made work that people can consume or choose from.

Having said that I do want to take more commissions for the science-art side of things.

However that isn't really what I want to write about - what I want to talk about is the physical and mental side of me. I have just finished a shopping trip. The first one without a walking stick or trolly to lean on and yes I was in pain at the end but not much! This is a great goal for me - achieved. But I have others.

I have started belly dancing classes and quiet frankly I suck at it but it has only been two weeks and it is mainly for my mobility and core muscle strength that I am doing it. I am also going for a walk daily with the baby. My aim is to be able to go out cheesy clubbing with my friends just before Christmas.

My second aim is to be able to wear a pair of high heels on Christmas Day even if it is just for half an hour - Jean has been helping me with this one - ie she picks a pair of shoes I put them on and stand up in them - I even managed to take some steps yesterday. However I will not be going clubbing in heels - oh no!

So that is the aim - both physical and mental but there is more to the mental side. I shall be taking part in NaNo again as it gives me goals and a right to set large chunks of time aside to do well me stuff - writing, drawing and drinking coffee.

And then we are back to the issue that is plagueing me at the moment - the thought that I may have to have a hysterectomy. We have decided that we will try and avoid that - the bleeding is not life threatening and if the aneamia is bad again then they can give me stuff to tackle it, also I can still try the minni pill aswell and just hope it doesn't increase the headaches or the temper. One option if the scan is fine is having another baby but there is no way I can do that yet. So if scan is fine I will be aiming to get fit and as strong as I can and then to try for another baby in one or two years and just hope the bleeding remains at a low level.

If the bleeding increases or the scan is bad and I have to have my womb removed I shall continue my excersise stuff - needed even more as there will be core muscle issues and hormone thearapy involved. The hormone thearapy is a bit of an issue due to the breast cancer risks and mum having a) had HRT and b) having had breast cancer twice. But that verses premature old age and osteoperosis which is not pleasent either (watched my nan suffer with that one). Basically if this happens then I will do all the medical stuff that is recommended.

Mentally this would be a huge blow to me but not as huge as it could be - I have my lovely girls and a supportive husband. What I have decided to do is if this happens is as follows - I will hopefully slim down again and with out the issue of more pregnancies I could have my pelvis wired and stop alot of the pain and also if I could reduce the scaring on my belly enough I would get that naval piercing I've always wanted - that will be my treat - my this is me and the shit has hit the fan but I showered it off and am still going dancing.

I may even get a butterfly tattoo if I get brave enough.

I have really appreciated all the help and support I have had from friends and family, you have all been amazing and put up with me too!

18 Months and How the Monster Hath Grown (by )

Mary is now 18 months old, she walks though still resorts to crawling when she is tired, she points at animals and says ca' which means cat, she asks for milk both verbally and with baby sign, she climbs on things, pulls plug socket protectors out of the sockets and tries to shove her plastic cutlery in if I take my eyes off her. She can undo straps (in highchairs and prams and car seats), she hits the cats and then hugs them, she throws proper on the floor tantrums, she giggles at the slightest bit of fun and runs up and cuddles you, she does shy eyes at people, she gives me a cheeky grin and then runs away from me, if she is tasting something and I say no she will shove it her mouth and run off before I can take it off of her. She can open doors! She likes to help with the dishwasher and laundary which can be intersting. She says wee wee wee wee to mean she needs her nappy changed but avoids telling me before hand incase I make her sit on the potty. If she uses the potty she likes to put the cover on it and then go so that it is nicer to sit on :/

She throws a wobbly every morning when Jean and Daddy go out so we have taken to going to the park first thing followed by a walk to Mac Donalds for Coffee and fruit bag.

She BITES! Jean didn't and was quiet passive in contrast so this a bit of a suprise - we thought we woould have to stop Jean duffing her up but it is fact more the other way around. She idolises Jean and likes to follow her around everywhere. Jean follows me and the baby follows her - this means mummy can not go to the loo in peace mainly.

She loves music and sings and dances - the biggest suprise being that she lalalalas the Harry Potter theme tune! She will always stop struggling and crying with two songs - one is Gotye Someone that I Used to Know and the other is Cradle of Filths Nanthetamine.

She has a mouth full of teeth though is still cutting the big doubles at the back, she still can't handle moo milk and appears to be a bit iffy with wheat and has exma and pretty much always has the sniffles and a cough but is good natured with it (when not throwing tantrums).

She loves swings and being thrown and twirlled and things - Jean hated all that sort of thing so this is a funner part.

She has her own baby dolly called Baaabeee which she hugs and carries around and that Jean puts nappies on.

She brings me stones and twigs and will always find an escape route out of any enclosed park area as soon as you let her loose! Including gaps in railings that you haven't even seen. She will the wait to see if you've noticed the escape - grin and runa away from you really really FAST!

She responds best to Lojban phrases as she realises these are aimed at her and not Jean as a result anyone who hangs around with us ends up using Lojban phrases.

She loves books but will hit laptops if you are not showing her what you are doing on them.

She will bring you shoes and socks and say shoooo and tap her feet indicating that you should put them on her, she loves playing peek a boo. If she wants to go out she will bring you your shoes too and then her coat and then the push chair. She ill move furniture about with a percistant dragging and pushing to be able to climb up to get things off the sides or open doors.

She is a loving and cheekily fun little Monster she is not half a rogue but a rogue and a half all by her self - I've told Jean this means I have about five rogueies in the house - she just smiles and agrees and then says 'ahhh look at Mary doing x,y and z' - I get a sweet but after the first ten minutes slightly grating commentary on everything the baby is doing.

Mary tries to emmulate the martial arts she has seen practiced which is a little unfortunate and painful as she can brake a hand lock if you are not expecting it!

We love our little monster and am so glad to have her. Jean says it feels like we have always had her but that she is suprising.

A Mostly Bad Day with Wonderful Highlights but still… (by )

Warning contains icky stuff about 'women's problems'

Today I awoke in a foul mood, I mean really bad, I slammed doors! The issue? Mainly that I have menstral cramps and have had for days yet again. I am still spotting most of the time with a few days here and there with nothing and the coil has been in a year - I am having at least two 'periods' or patches of heavier bleeding a month.

The bleeding this morning was heavyish and so once the school rush was over I did some drawing and crying and drinking of hot drinks.

I went back to bed after drawing three lovely cartoons that are the beginning of a series and when I woke up the bleeding was light again and I felt a lot better. So I did house hold type stuff and finished reading Iron Sunrise. Jean came home and loved my pictures and suggested some more ideas and I drew another one and a picture for her to colour once she had finished doing some more maths (she does 'home school' after real school just for fun :/).

I made us a packed dinner and when Al arrived home we went straight to my Drs appointment. I am booked in for a glucose fasting test and some other bloods for the aneamia and things and then she got another Dr to come and talk to me about the bleeding. I was examined which has really acted my pelvis up as it always does and then booked in for a scan to check the uterus and things out but from the outside (which is still inside me!) it looks fine and the coil is in the right place and everyting.

So the scan is probably going to come back fine and it is just the way I am and 12 months into having a coil (put in to stop the bleeding) it is not going to get any better. If the scan comes back fine I will start taking the minni pill as well to try and stop things - I was taking a strong strong dose of this at the beginning and it did not go well with my moods and temper but that isn't such a problem at the lighter doses.

But the main thing the Dr emphasised is that I will probably have to put up with the bleeding if I am considering ever having more kids as they are running out of non invasive options ie zapping the womb linning with lasers (I think thats what she ment anyway) or having my womb cut out/removed (I am not even going to attempt to spell the technical though it does sound far less icky and scary).

This has not made me happy as you can imagine.

Anyway hopefully the minni pill will work.

We went straight from there to the belly dancing group I've joined and though my pelvis was too sore to do some of the things this week (being my second session), I really enjoyed it especially as they were doing veil work.

Then we got home to find a strange phenomenon - there were maggots all over the pavement! EVERYWHERE including outside our house - we assume that a cat kill has ruptured and the wet warm weather has them thinking everything is a corpse shudders. This for me was a nightmare scenario - I really do not like maggots and had a whole truma getting in the house. Poor Alaric has spent like an hour washing them all off the pavement for me so that I can sleep tonight. He washed mine and Jeany's shoes as well which were dumped in a panic on the front door step. Just writting this makes me itch - I hate them and the bleeding thing makes me more paranoid about them gag.

But after my shower I have made tardi (as in lots of tardises as in more than one Tardis) for Jeany and her friends and then got to play on Al's laptop. Today has had some brilliant things in it but mainly it has been awful and I hate intense days like this.

The Long Game (by )

I've written before about my plethora of projects and how I'm trying to spend more time on them, and to focus on ones that can produce immediate rewards (such as Ugarit) at the cost of longer-term ones (such as ARGON).

However, I have projects I can't even start on without access to massive resources. I have them Far Out Beyond The Back Burner, just in case I gain the resources required to start them within my lifetime, but without any great expectation of doing so.

I'm listing them in an approximate order based on what ones I think would be easiest to start, and would in turn make later ones more approachable.

Molecular nanotechnology

I'm hoping for a proper Drexlerian revolution of molecular manufacturing. A post-scarcity economy of cheap diamond and home production of anything you can download or design a plan for, as long as it doesn't require exotic atoms (which only really rules out nuclear devices; no big deal).

Post-scarcity is always a relative term, however. Sure, we'd be in a world where we can use solar power to directly convert our own waste products back into all the goods we currently hunger for; where a small patch of land gives you enough space to plant a tiny nanotech seed (that anybody else on Earth can make for you at practically zero cost) to grow yourself a solar array and then use the energy from it to harvest raw materials from the ground and air to make yourself a house that provides a level of material luxury beyond what even the richest humans alive right now can have. But we'd still need some kind of economy to buy land in the first place, and to buy skills and services (from designing things you can tell your home to build for you to entertainment).

I hope that my skills as a designer of intricate systems would be held in high regard in such a world, so I don't need to spend too much time working. As a molecular assembly unit can just be fed a design and sit making it overnight, I won't need to spend my time laboriously making complex machinery; I want to focus as much as possible on spending my time designing the machinery and software for my next steps.

Get offworld

However, although I'll still need money to buy services, I have some plans that would require large amounts of material, and that might be expensive as the human population rises. So I'd focus my available resources on building one of those tiny nanotechnological seeds and firing it into space, to start converting asteroids into nano-replicators, under control from a nice radio dish I'd command my house to grow. I wouldn't be the only person to think of this, and I could expect territorial claims to start appearing around the solar system pretty sharpish, so it would be good to start quickly.

I might stay living on Earth, or try to build a large spacecraft and relocate to orbit if that's practical. However, my physical location will be largely irrelevant, and more so in later stages of the plan.

Artificial intelligence

Having to work so that I can hire the services of humans to fill in gaps in my design skills, or just to save me time so I can progress my plans faster, is a bottleneck. And a risk, as the rest of the human race may not react rationally to the emergence of a post-scarcity world and start wiping itself out. One way out (which is rather speculative, as I don't know if it would work) would be to turn all that asteroid mass I'm converting with my space probes into solar-powered computers and setting them the task of evolving intelligence in a simulated neural network or rule engine. Rather than doing lots of hard thinking about the nature of intelligence, I'd brute-force it - a massively parallel genetic algorithm trying to find a configuration of the simulation which can answer questions I'd feed into it. I'd train it on a mixture of my own questions and exercises from textbooks in fields of interest to me. With a large enough training set, I should be able to evolve a system that's a general function from questions posed in English with access to the background knowledge implied by the kinds of textbooks I trained it from, to answers in English. If it worked, I would have an artificial intelligence, without an artificial sentience.

That difference is quite profound. Artificial sentience opens up ethical questions: should it have the rights of a person? But I have no need to create a mind in the image of my own, with desires and awareness of time and sensory capacity and a continuity of consciousness based on memory of past events. All I need is a function from question to answer, that can be embedded into software that needs it. I can ask it questions beyond the scope of its training (if I manage to evolve it to be sufficiently general) by including appropriate textbook material in the question.

I could use it to solve problems by posing them as questions, firstly. But I could also use it for intelligent automation; systems could react to events by feeding the nature of the event, as well as background information about the situation and relevant history, in as part of a question as to the best course of action to follow to meet some defined goal.

Weak life extension

I may be lucky to get this far within my lifespan as it stands, but I don't want to risk any further, so I will have been learning (or assembling reference material for my AI) about human biology sufficient to cure ailments, and decelerate or reverse the process of aging, in case I need a bit more time to complete the next stage.

Accelerated consciousness

We think by exchanging pulses between the neurons in our brains. The neuron is a cell that, beyond the normal structures required of a functioning cell, contain one or more long thread-like structures called axons, which enable the neuron to connect to other neurons elsewhere in the brain; and the connection points, which are called synapses. We're still a bit vague on exactly what happens inside the synapses; we have an idea of their properties, but we can't really test it well enough to see if it's complete. Hopefully nanotechnology will let us put probes inside working neurons and examine them better.

But fully mapping the function of the synapse can come later. I'll start with a lower-hanging fruit: mapping the functioning of the axon.

Signals travel through axons at about eight metres per second. Signals travel through copper cable at about two hundred million metres per second. If I could inject nanomachines into my cranium that would trace out the neurons, finding the synapses and the axons that join them together into the neuron, and bypassing the axons with insulated copper cables carrying electronic signals directly between the synapses, I would significantly increase the speed at which I thought.

The danger would be timing dependencies in the brain. If a neuron fires, sending a pulse down a long axon, while the same pulse also travels via shorter axons through one or more extra synaptic junctions, then changing the speed of propogation down axons without changing the speed of processing of synapses would result in the relative timings of the effects of the initial firing arriving at the destination differing. So I'd start by having my electronic bypasses insert a delay to more exactly simulate the original axons at first, and try selectively decreasing it in various parts of my brain first, to see what happened (and with an automatic return to normal timings after fifteen seconds, like when you change the resolution on your display and the OS isn't sure if you can then actually see the dialog asking you if the result is OK).

In the worst case, I'd have to take time to study the synapse so I could model it in an electronic system and thus create a timing-perfect electronic model of my brain, but that would take longer. It is necessary for later steps in the plan, but it would be nice to reap the benefits of accelerated consciousness sooner than that, in order to make better use of my time.

It's hard to say how fast I could make myself go. The hard limit (if the response of the synapses was irrelevant to the speed of thought, and axon delays were the limiting factor) would be that I would think two hundred million divided by eight, which is twenty five million, times as fast. At that speed, anything that wasn't moving at a good fraction of the speed of light would appear immobile to me. I would seem to be frozen, stuck in an immobile body, and I'd probably go mad from boredom and claustrophobic panic. So I wouldn't do that. Since I'd already tapped all my axons, I'd divert my peripheral nervous system to a virtual body in a 3D computer simulation. Then I could do all the thinking and planning and designing and reading and writing I wanted to. Of course, fetching stuff from the Internet would be a pain; if I sent out an HTTP request to Wikipedia for some information, it would take a long subjective time for the response to come back. Likewise with communicating with friends by IRC and email.

But even if removing axon delays only made my thoughts happen ten or a hundred times as fast, due to synapse delays being significant, I'd still need to go into a virtual world to live without the slowness of my physical body trapping me. And unless it was only a few times as fast as normal living, I would find myself spending a lot of time waiting for the world outside to react to my latest HTTP request or other action.

So I would probably program my control software to make my synaptic delays infinite - suspending neural firing - until something interesting happened (or a timeout occurred; I'd want to wake up at least once a millisecond just to see what was happening through my real eyes, in case there was an explosion in progress or something else I needed to attend to).

I'd probably want to automate management of my body. Walking by taking note of my inner ear and eyes a hundred times a second and deciding what impulses to send to my muscles would be hard work; I'd need to automate it to the level of choosing a direction of motion and a desired body position and facial expression and letting the computer walk for me, checking up on it ten times a second or so. I'd want to be able to tell my mouth to speak a sentence and leave it to get on with it, and whenever I checked up on my body I'd replay to the past few seconds of recorded audio and video so that I could discern speech directed at me.

Driving my physical body might take only a tiny fraction of my time. So why not drive several? I could control heaps of robot bodies at the same time, by just examining the state of each in turn, via radio links. I could be an entire team of robot ninjas infiltrating a building at the same time. That would be awesome.

However, interacting with computers would be a pain. As much faster as my brain was, computers would be correspondingly slower. My 3D virtual world would need to be quite basic, even with a massively parallel nanotech computer rendering it and only needing to render my foveal region in full resolution, or it just wouldn't be able to generate frames fast enough for me. Waiting milliseconds for a web browser to actually render a page into an image would be intolerable. I would need to run very simple software on very fast processors if I wanted interactive responses.

But either way, my main limiting factor - time to design things - is now significantly relieved.

Mind transfer

But the logical next step is to get rid of those synapses, and entirely replace my brain with an electronic version. This would gain me the rest of the speed improvement available. Also, an electronic synapse would probably be smaller than the real thing, and it wouldn't need the body of the neural cell any more, so I could make my entire brain much smaller, thereby gaining an extra few times speed by just removing the distances those two hundred metre per second electrical impulses have to travel.

But being a fully digital simulation would have other benefits. My neural interconnection map and synaptic states would be a string of bits that could be transferred and a new electronic brain built and initialised from. This could be used to back me up in case of the physical destruction of my brain and body. It could also be used to work around the annoying consequences of communications delays being so notable when living at twenty five million times the normal speed; I could transmit my brain state into deep space and have my brain constructed there in order to get hands-on with some process, then send it back afterwards (or resume the old version still at home if the transferred copy is lost or corrupted somehow). If I build a solar antimatter refinery and made enough antimatter to send a nanoseed probe to Alpha Centauri at nearly light-speed (which might take a decade or so), and had it build an installation there, I could even visit it at the cost of four years of unconciousness while I was in transit each way. But that's nothing compared to the costs and risks of sending my physical brain there and back.

In principle I could duplicate myself and run multiple instances of myself in parallel, but I don't think I'd need to - with accelerated consciousness, I don't think that thinking time would be my bottleneck any more. A reason to run clones of myself at great distances in order to have more real-time interaction with events over a large area might develop, but I don't know of any reason why I'd need to do that, offhand.

Acausal near-godhood

So, assuming I've managed to not kill myself by tinkering with my brain, and I've not run into competition with other humans and been imprisoned or destroyed by them, I'm now a disembodied intelligence able to simultaneously operate bodies anywhere within a few tens of light-milliseconds of wherver I'm currently sentient from, and able to migrate between brains at the speed of light, and to be fairly immortal due to having backup copies of myself that activate if the "currently live me" stops checking in every millisecond. Arguably, I will have crossed some kind of technological singularity, as tinkering with my own cognition has made me able to out-think any normal human being (or team thereof), purely by being able to research and plan my actions in great detail - in the time it takes a visual signal to travel from the eye to the brain of a normal human being. But the post-singularity me would still be perfectly comprehensible to a normal human and vice versa; it is the quantity of my thought which will improve, not the quality.

Perhaps I will have had to leave the solar system of my birth by now, in order to keep my freedom from other humans, or whatever becomes of governments and corporations in a post-scarcity world, trying to lay claim to resources I need for my plans. But ideally I'll still be in touch with a happy brotherhood of humans rather than striking out alone or with a small circle of like-minded family and friends.

However, this next stage will probably have to happen in another solar system. Even if the rest of the human race isn't particularly hungry for energy and I can have the entire output of the Sun, that might not be sufficient. And if my experiments fail, I might destroy the solar system. So this step probably needs to happen in other star systems.

Basically, I want to implement time loop logic. There's a number of ways that might allow us to send a single bit of information back in time, and that's all I need. Perhaps I can string a cable (or send a photon) around a rapidly rotating singularity, or a uranium atom spinning in an intense magnetic field, or through the centre of a ring singularity, in order to create a timelike trajectory. Or some trick involving quantum mechanics. I'll try them all, and any others I or my AI manage to come up with.

Now, being able to build a hypercomputer with time-loop logic, and being able to solve NP problems in polynomial time, would be pretty neat. But that's not the eventual goal. Rather than just implementing pure functions such as prime factorisation in the hypercomputer, I want to perform I/O. With side effects. From inside a time loop.

You see, the consistency principle which underlies time-loop logic can be justified in quantum mechanics; in the presence of a time loop, the wave function of a contradictory state cancels itself out and becomes zero because of the link between its past and future. This is used to ensure that the desired answer arrives out of the negative delay gate in the first place, by ensuring a contradiction if it doesn't.

But what if we have a sensor attached to the computer, and arrange to have a contradiction if the value of the sensor is not equal to a desired value? Situations where the physical system monitored by the sensor would fail to produce that value are contradictory, so the physical system's wave function cancels them out and we can only have the desired states.

That gets interesting if the sensor is measuring the speed of light in a vacuum. What we have build is known as a "reality editor" and grants the owner godlike powers.

Of course, the equipment is part of the time loop, so the physical system being measured changing is not the only possible non-contradictory outcome; there's also the possibility that your equipment might just fail. Since the quantum mechanical odds of your equipment failing are probably much higher than those of the speed of light changing, you will almost certainly get an equipment failure rather than destroying the universe by altering its fundamental constants and causing all the matter to collapse to a point.

So let's set our sights a little lower. How about moving on from nanotechnology to femtotechnology? Tinkering with the energy levels inside atomic nuclei is tricky, but if we can build a sensor to tell if we've managed it, we could use a time loop to force the hand of physics. We can work out the chance of quantum tunnelling producing the desired state by pure luck alone, and make sure that the chance of our equipment failing is below that - by duplicating it. Don't forget we have the matter and energy of entire star systems to hand. Make trillions of time loop devices with their own sensors, all observing the same system. Make it more likely for the system to enter the desired state than all the time loop devices failing together.

So the time loop reality editor cannot provide complete omnipotence; it's limited by the probability of a complete system failure, and can only cause events which are more probable than its own failure, so it would be rated up to a certain improbability level (in a manner that sounds slightly familiar...). Indeed, in case of miscalculation of the probabilities or sheer bad luck causing a device failure rather than the desired event, it would be wise for each time loop unit to have a "circuit breaker" that is the most likely part to fail and can be simply reset, rather than risking more permanent, hard-to-diagnose, or violent failure modes of a device containing a significant amount of stored energy in one form or another.

An interesting possibility is of using the reality editor to not only make, but design, things. Rather than building a sensor that checks if a working femtocomputer processing element is created, create one that tests whatever is standing on the target platform is a fully working computer meeting certain design requirements, and see what appears. As the quantum-mechanical basis of the reality editor will tend to favour the most likely, and therefore generally simplest, solution, some interestingly optimal designs might result.

Perhaps the first thing to try and make is a more compact and powerful reality editor?

Oh, and negative delay gates will enable faster-than-light communications, so I can interact with my ever-expanding interstellar empire in real time now.

Hopefully, that will be enough to keep me busy and occupied until the heat death of the universe starts to loom. At which point, hopefully I will have figured out how to:

Create new universes

Probably by tinkering with black holes or something, if not by turning as much of the mass in the Universe as possible into a giant reality editor. Either way, make a new universe with a new entropy gradient I can use to power my ongoing experiments.

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