No Mummy they are my Best Friends! (by sarah)

Jean gets upset if I tell the cats off for things like raking the seat - she does this by crying, 'No Mummy they are my Best Friends!' or Hydrogen is her best friend or mini or Helium depending on who is in trouble.

Even when Mini has upset her she defends her, this is interesting as it she has definatly developed a scense of us and them but this isn't a clear cut relationship.

She will defend me and daddy from Nanny and Ferfer and Barbara but she defend them against people in the 'outside' world. She has also started to say names from pre-school as her best/specific friends and there is definatly a social dynamic forming there.

She also pretends to be a baby or a mummy and takes car of random things like she'll tuck a shoe in for the night and sing it a lullabye. She is always tucking Mini up for the night to which our grumpyest cat responds by purring. Jean also cuddles the cats which they just put up with though if others do it they mew pathetically - there is definatly a two way relationship there.

Getting Lost With Dad (by sarah)

Today me, dad and Jean went out to find an oil filler cap for his car and do other sundry errands. We got abit lost around the village of Staverton and Dad was panicking abit so I took over the navagation and between the two of us we found our way.

Dad hates getting lost and was actually panicking but then we found this lovely church and we stopped to take photos and look and the map and suddenly it turned into a lovely outing.

The sun was shining and there was lovely blossoms on the trees and lots of flowers - orange tipped butterflies and the like. We did our chores and then decided to head to Gloucester docks for an actual outing.

Jean loves the boats and spent an age just walking around looking at them all - dad carrying my lavander sparkly tote bag which caused lots of hilarity in the shop were I bought him and Jean an ice-cream (I'm still too sick for things like ice-cream). We sat watching the ducks whilst they ate the ice creams with Jean changing her mind every few minutes as to which seat we should be sitting on!

Jean got a bit upset that the ducks would 'full over' the stuff in the water - this was the litter that people had dropped in the water - she was most indignant about this 🙂

We watched one of the narrow boats in a lock that was filling very very slowely - the men looked grumpy and didn't wave at JEan though she was proclaiming she wanted to live on a boat!

We then went into the antiques place where Jean decided she only wanted to look at the Dr Who stuff! Though we found a 'pretty light' in a room full of stuff that looked like I'd been let loose with ceramics! Jean loves all the old furniture and was more interested in going in and looking at the 'pretties' which were all chest and things than looking at the dinky toys or the ty toys with dad which was a suprise.

And then I made a mistake - I wanted a cup of tea and JEan asked for something to eat and selected a packet of quavers - sure if we share them I said and we did and Jeans mood changed to one of complete horrible small whirling dervish! I was so embarressed as she shouted she wasn't stupid and stuff and ran off.

We left - Jean in disgrace and me vowing to check out exactly what is in quavers and feeling slightly guilty that I didn't check the ingredients when I know that one of the red food colourings is bad for her behaviour etc...

On the way out though we saw a youth-dude hanging upside down from the ancient crain - so I tried to take a pick but he moved as I was getting the camera out!

I was a sad that Jean's behaviour had deteriated so much we were going home as punishment when we had been going to go to a country park for her to run around and stuff - never mind though it was a nice day over all.

I Believe I am Not a Writer (by sarah)

At the writing classes I used to go to we did a combination exercise - we had to write about how we viewed our selves as writers starting with I believe. I found out some very interesting stuff about myself during this excercise and it was part of the realisation that I really want to be writing pop sci and bringing knowledge to the masses via scientific poetry and art if nessascary. (please not I am not talking about the psuedo science that I hear spewed at alot of peotry evenings)

I believe I am not a writer

I believe I am a story teller

I believe I am an information conveyer

I believe I am an ideas creator, cemetor

I believe I am a scientist

I believe I am rationally irrational

I believe I am a frontier Finder

I believe I am an explorer of words

I believe I am a bridge between

I believe I am an embodyment of the duality of science and art

I believe I am dyslexic

I believe I am frustrated

I believe this leads to creation, adaption, and the sideways evolution that is known as lateral thinking

I believe I am bound to the earth in its intercasies of systems I love to explore

I believe I am cut free and floating in celebral space where the concept of super novae roam

I believe I am the colour purple, unique in my colour spectrum, 2 colours superimposed

I believe I am hurtling through life faster than I can handle

I believe this is inspiration

I believe I am a contradiction

I believe I like this

I believe I am jack of all trades

I believe I am more than the sum of these words

Bad Luck Field and Incompetance (by sarah)

Ok so Monday night Mum, Dad and Jean headed to Essex, Dad to have a tooth out, mum to go to Aunty Lizzies and Jean for a bridesmaid dress fitting.

I descided for many reasons that I would stay here - not least of which was to get some college work done and tidy the house up after the continual stream of visitors I've had for this month.

I waved goodbye to them at about 9 and then realised that for the first time in my life I was actually on my own - I mean really on my own - Barbara was at the Opera and the nearest neighbours are not in shouting distance.

Of course I used to do the sercurity partols around Thriftwood but there were campers in the woods. And more importantly I had a radio and some how that ment that I wasn't alone. If anything happened I could just radio in and be garenteed assistance within ten maybe 15 minutes.

But here I realised there was nothing. I didn't freak out as much as I thought I would - there were cats and so I suppose I wasn't entirely alone - what I did discover however is that every single horror movie I have ever seen or book read - filtered though my mind - so every activity was associated with some gruesome story.

I made myself some tea to drink and considered having a bath, ignoring the over active imagination that renders my stories so real.

I decided that a bath probably would be a bad idea if I was feeling a little bit spooked and so I when and hunted through Jean's films for something fun to watch. 80 days around the would - my brothers - opps I thought we'd given it back.

Before I could put it on there was a knock at the door - fortunatly I checked the time and realised that it was Barbara coming back.

I said goodnight to her assuring her I was fine and then went up stairs to watch the film. And I thought do some reading for college.

But I felt odd, feverish, ah miss judged and the period I had been waiting for for a week finially turned up. With bad cramps and then - just becuase this was my first time on my own - I threw up - violently - through my nose and everything.

And then again and again and again.

My insides felt like they were swimming. I was not happy. Then I got more ill and discovered you can't through up into the sink from the toliet and so knocked aload of stuff into the bath - which I then threw up on.

And so the night continued and so did the next morning - hot cold hot cold.

Finially about 3 pm I got some sleep having managed to keep the pain killers down. Barbara kept offering me eggs to eat and things and drinks but I really could not even abide the thought of it.

Last night I managed some crisps and toast - the toast sent me over the edge again. I was also gratefull to find I had some camomile and lime flower tea which thanks to a suggestion on facebook I sipped and stayed down much better than water.

I spent the day watching films on my laptop and sulking that I had planed to do so much work and just couldn't - the pounding headache that formed with it - mainly due to dehydration I think ment that heavey lunar mineralogy texts were out.

I devoured a point horror instead.

I had been hoping that mysterious cities of gold would arrive as I thought that would be a great tonic but instead a printer arrived - which I stupidly took off of the delivery person making myself sick again.

I failed to get the fire to relight as I was too weak to put coal into the fire place when I should have done it first thing in the morning so it just went out when I tried later on.

Its just so annoying that I got sick when I was on my own and that I had to unblock the sink and everything myself - this is also the first bad bad period I have had since having Jean - its odd but the pregnancy seemed to cure the stupid periods I used to have - maybe it was just becuase it was late.

Then to make things worse I have been trying to sort things out for Scouts today - now becuase of the shingles thing I was supposed to be taking a break but it turned out that they still wanted me to draw up all the plans and activities for the kids and get back to them within 24 hours of an email and phone call to Alaric for me to get cover.

This obviously did not happen so I have no cover for scouts - I explained before that its the paper work etc... that I find exhorsting not the going and being skip for 2 hours - I swear people don't believe me when I say I have problems filling in forms - even when I explain I'm dyslexic which I really hate doing, it makes me feel pathetic and it doesnt seem to be taken note of anyway.

I still have no assistant which is really starting to annoy me. I love the kids and doing activities with them though so I dont really want to give it up.

Anyway I emailed last night to explain that I really couldn't do tonight due to throwing up and the person who I would have thought had a whole network he should be able to phone just said he couldnt cover - well I wasnt asking him specifically - he is in charge - he should be able to arrange cover!

So the burdon once again fell to our new group leader - who is brilliant and though she is still doing her training she managed to sort things out by having a system to phone around. Thnak goodness - but I do get really peed off that its just me running the Scouts.

(before anyone panicks yes I do always have another CRB'd adult about but I need another warrented leader).

Oh and of course though Dad was coming back last night/this morning its Davids birthday so now they are all going out for meal instead - I had asked about that when I was deciding weather to come down or not and was told he wasnt doing anything for his birthday :/ This means I'm on my own again all day and stuff - and theres supposed to be a meteor shower tonight that I've been looking forward to for ages.

Perceptions (by sarah)

This morning there was an incident that shook me quiet badly and has me wondering about my reactions and what I should have done. We where in the outskirts of Cheltenham near the Morrisons when we became stuck in traffic, there was a long line of at least twenty cars but just when we considered turning around the traffic bagain to move albeit slowely.

We then saw there was a car at a 45 degree angle in the ditch, we looked and there appeared to be someone in the car but someone was talking to them and about 5 people where on phones - there were another two cars at crazy angles making the road into a sharlum.

This slowed the traffic. There were some poeple sitting on the grass shaking but again there were people on phones. I assumed that everything was under control - we were stuck in the middle of the line of traffic - when a man came up and started shouting at us for stopping to look and that one person was dead.

He mainly shouted at mum, and it frightened her, as the traffic moved again and the shouting man moved off mum kept saying he must have been in shock.

But it made me think - I had assumed that with all those people around that I would just get in the way even though I am a trained first aider but with what the man said I suddenly realised that the number off people around - they could have all come out of the cars in the accident.

I was looking to see if anyone did need help and didn't see anything obviously needing a first aider but that looking at the scene was mistaken as 'sight seeing'. But at the same time my reaction to the man shouting at us wasn't this guy is in shock which he obviously was but I thought - a nut case is attacking us.

I am also wondering now if any of the cars infront of us had offered any help? We hadn't ment to end up in line of traffic going through a chaotic accident scene but once in the narrow band of traffic there wasn't alot we could do - this must have looked really heartless and uncaring to the victims though.

I can almost see the head lines now - 'No Good Samaritian for Road Side Fatality'. I feel really bad that I didn't think to ask - I just saw people on phones and thought - oh they've got it under control and by the time I had even processed what was actually happening we were past the scene and mum was being upset.

I really hope that no one was seriously hurt 🙁

The perceptions of people in chaotic situations is so warped I don't think that anyone even with lots of training is ever going to be able to fully assess a situation like that. People seem hostile and scary, anger runs high and people are having 'knee jurk' reactions. Also when we compared 'notes' it was almost as if the three of us had seen three different things which is quiet scary in its self.

But I still should have asked 🙁