Keeping Positive (by sarah)

It is 6:30 in the morning on a Sunday and I am up and awake and in alot of pain. I haven't slept and am feeling down right grotty. Last night before sleep was attempted I got angry with everyone as I fought the pain and then when I tried to leave the room found that my walking had got so bad I had to use my arms on the furniture to get to the stairs where I promtly burst into what were supposed to be quiet tears.

I've been using crutches outside and attempting to keep walking but have been ok on the short distances needed for shuffling round the house but then a few days ago I slipped on something Jean had left on the floor resulting in a painful crunch from my pelvis. Alaric found me clinging to the door frame of her room. Pelvis didn't really settle much after that - and it felt like when you sprain your ankle. Then last night I went out to a poetry ready and music event (which was fantastic) but the step up to the stage was so high that it hurt getting up there too read and I ended reading my poems shaking - I wasn't sure how much was nerves and how much was pain.

Then tonight we went out for mums birthday - it was postponed from Friday due to her having to have a biopsy for another breast lump 🙁 She gets the results next Friday. When we got home I went upstairs to change and as I tried to change into trousers I cried out in pain. My pelvis again - since then I have not even really been able to hobble - I thought it would settle down but hasn't.

The tears were because the pain is so bad but also because though it has been slow going I have been able to move about with the crutches and in the house with out them - getting little bits of say house work done here and there. This last week when Al went to London were iffy anyway as I found I couldn't do anything really - I managed to feed, wash and cloth me and Jean and feed animals and that is it. Mum and Dad arrived to a house where Jean had unmade the setee, there was three days worth of washing up in the kitchen, the fire no lit and rug covered in crumbs.

Things are seeming quiet bad - and suddenly the third trimester of this pregnancy seems to stretch to infinity. Especially when it was seriously suggested that I might like to cut up some fire wood for Barbara as it would be good exercise for me :/ I was sort of hoping that now we have a car that we could go swimming which is about the only thing I'm supposed to do :/

But I am trying to keep positive.

Mum's biopsy will hopefully be fine fingers crossed

And I am getting a replacement string from my guitar and two books of guitar music - Nursery Rhymes and Christmas Carols so I can play and me and Jeany can sing together. I am also focusing on my writing - I am obviously doing Nanowrimo and PiBoIdMo and am now able to get to some of the nano write-ins. I am going to these reguardless of pain other wise all I have is the pain. It is the same with the poetry reading and stuff - besides I really wanted to see the music and probably more importantly talk to my friends (even if they were distracted as they were running the event!).

The main thing I fear at the moment is losing the use of my hands again - but even then I am trying to remember that the hands don't forget the muscle memory I give them they just don't work for a while and yes it takes a while to get full functionality back but what I learn stays lernt. This is important for me with things like the guitar.

I can't say I'm not feeling down because I am = I have lost the freedom I fought to get by no longer being able to get to the bus stop under my own steam and with the way my pelvis is now being I don't think I can even get out of our little bit of valley 🙁

But I got accosted by people who liked my poetry one Friday - including in the girls toilets! And I am going to a Prize Giving as one of my poems has been short listed on Wednesday. This things I am holding dear.

I am writing draft two of the novel I hope to submit to the Pratchette Prize as well which seems like an achievement in itself.

And lastly - this pregnancy is still much much MUCH better than Jeany's plus unlike last time I can see this bueatiful little girl who is being like my best friend most of the time and I think yes it was hard - so hard last time but look what I got! I have my Jeany and I'm going to have another one 🙂

Jean's been asking me to go through the songs I used to sing to her as a small baby - some of which are the same as now and some of which are different. The first song I sang to her was a sung grace saying thankyou I learnt in Kenya. I thought I was going to die with her and then with the miscarriage and infection we were worried that there wasn't a hope for another baby and yet here I am in the third trimester. This makes me happy - honest - even though I cry in pain I am happy.

Spiky Spoken Word (by sarah)

This Friday I am going to be reading my poetry and depending on how brave I'm feeling maybe some of my sort of rap/performance geek poetry at the Frog and Fiddle . It costs about £4 to get in I think and on top of that there is A F Harold who is well worth a watch for his interesting poems (I'm not biased because he used one of my cats names in his Tweet Poetry for the Cheltenham Lit Festival honest!). There is also Men Diamler and Brown Torpedo who I have been meaning to blog about for ages and have like photos of performances and stuff but haven't gotten round to yet!

Men Diamler is what I think of as a sort Nick Cave / White Strips mix with a dark middle English ring to it. He weaves fantastical and often tragic tails in his music and yes I am a fan 😉

Brown Torpedo are erm... well the only way I can think of describing them off the top of my head is, I suppose - Trippy with that sort ethereal swerl allowing dreams of the present day - or something Simon from Uni would make us all listen too and then tell me they don't exist and I imagined them the next day!

NaNo Madness and its Cohorts (by sarah)

I am planning on doing NaNoWriMo again this year - this is National Novel Writing Month - the challenge? To write 50, 000 words in a month - what is being termed a novel but I would consider a novella!

I did this last year and finished with more than 60 K words and met some great people who became my friends 🙂 Local and internationally. Unfortunatly I have already missed the launch parties but hope to be able to get along to a few write-ins (meet ups in coffee shops where you appear with laptops and dare each other to write or alternatively just chat!).

I plan to finish/continue the story I started last year which is slightly cheating but as I view this as my writing goal for the month - I think that's ok. You can follow my progress on Purple Monster - were I keep all my notes, reviews of research material, and raw as I write them chapters of the story! I often bung in the odd writing tip or link to an interesting article. There are a few flash fictions that are based in The Punks universe though at a slightly earlier time period, these can be found on Magenta Monster.

I was going to carry on writing the story all the way through last year but even towards the end of November last year I started having issues with simply not knowing enough about the time period half the novel is set in - ie Tudor England. I have spent alot of time reading history books and I got away with taking over our LoveFilm queue for half the year where I got out all the films and documentories based in the time period I could find. (And yes I know the films are not accurate but sometimes they give you something to go and research!).

As I am also using some alternative tech in the story I have been researching this too - namely optronics and what large scale social computing would be like if centralised and not the internet. Half the story is set in the near future and is basically cyber punk so I have been reading my way through the cyber punk novels we have in the house.

I want to beat last years word count 🙂 But being pregnant and stuff means that this may be tricky - I am however still going to try.

The other challenge I am doing is PiBoIdMo (Picture Book Idea Month) which I also did last year - this makes a nice counter balance to the Nano for me. And as I have had a great reaction from Jean from stories that came out of this and the picture book writing week - I am definatly doing this again! I am keeping track of all this stuff on Orange Monster if anyone is interested!

I am also doing the rewrite of a novel I hope to submit to the Terry Pratchette Prize so all in all that is a lot of work and I am aware I probably will not get it all done especially with my hands acting up the way they are - but I can but try. And at the end of the day anything I get done is a bonus 🙂

Equal Writes (by sarah)

One of my fellow NaNoWriMers is collecting sponsers for his writing this November - he did this last year too - he is raising money for Equal Love, the campaign group from same-sex marriage rights in Melbourn 🙂 There is a FaceBook Group here.

As those who have been reading for a while will know I hate intolerance and this the same-sex marraige being denied is to me a gross example of intolerance.

Marrage is about love, about declaring that to the rest of the world - hey guys we're together! I know some people say marrage is about children but many hetrosexual couples never have children and when they do they are not necasserily inside of marrage.

Also to say it is about children is to diminish what it is worth - if it is about children then it nothing more than a snare and a trap to enforce family structure and that leads to unhealthy mental baggage for the kids in the first place :/

Marrage should not be a trap, it should be a union and as such there should be no gender/sexual orientation constraints placed upon it - people can not choose who they fall in love with - such has been known for a millenia or two.

Plus with IVF and adoption the child argument really can not stand even on it's own merits - I feel sad that society is still so bound up in hate that two caring individuals can not easily adopt just because they are the same sex. I have heard people fearful that it means two men can adopt a little girl and do dreadful things and then I think of the Wests and I think that was a hetrosexual couple and what they did was beyond words. Yes there is a risk of abuse but no more so than with adoption in general or even just who your perants happen to be 🙁

So why? Why? Can't gay marrage be allowed? We have Civil Partnership here in the UK which people tell me off for telling Jean is marrage. But I will not tell her that people of the same sex can not marry as to her any couple who are together are marrade. Obviously she is very young and kissing apparently counts as marrage but she came home very upset from pre-school last year, as the other kids had told her she couldn't marry one of her best friends. The topic came up sooner than I was expecting but we told her it was fine if she wanted to marry a girl (she will probably kill me for this post when she's about 13!).

I know people thought that we shouldn't have told her this but we have gay couples as friends! And I'm sorry but Jean is not silly and is very good at noticing human interactions :/ Plus why should we lie to her? Also we have been to a gay wedding with her so I think it would be a bit stupid to tell her they can't happen :/

Homosexuality has had to lay hidden for far too long, to the extent that friends asked if they could kiss their partners or even bring them to things like our wedding - they shouldn't have to feel like that.

Anyway - that is how I feel and why even though he is not based in the UK I felt this was something I would tell you all about 🙂

Oxford’s International Women’s Festival Poetry Competition (by sarah)

I'm going to be entering this competition - it's one pound a poem and the theme is women and well being. Deadline is the 5th of November so I thought I'd let you all know about it. I'm entering 5 odd poems covering a range of what is termed 'women's' issues but what I think of as far broader than that. I'm even sending in Charcoal which I wrote after reading an article in the National Geographic about women in the Congo. There is no restriction in the sexes where the competition is concerned (otherwise I would not be entering).