Banks! (by sarah)

Bank 'we urently need to talk to you about your account' I agree to go in get there and 'so what did you want to talk to us about?' Urg! I repeat what they told me - we go through the accounts and transactions and they say 'oh your credit rating is good do you want a loan - you could put your credit cards on there.' me 'erm no I have paid two off already I am out of my over draft and have a payment plan in place to deal with the other.' bank 'are you sure it's so fiddly having all these different payments you could put your husbands on the same account.' me 'erm no I didn't like having loans to pay off before.' bank 'but you did so well with paying them off you sure you don't want another?' me 'no thankyou.' Bank 'well if you change your mind or it gets to the point where you can change your mortgage over to us do come back and talk to us ok?' me 'ok thankyou bye.' bank 'buy'

Goals and Plans and Contingencies (by sarah)

I've been thinking about where I am going as a person again. The career that I have built for myself is bitty and unreliable but is becominig more structured. I have discovered that trying to do any of it for money soley is a no go. Trying to do stuff for other people doesn't tend to work that well either. What does work is just having skill and abilities that people can call on and a body of pre made work that people can consume or choose from.

Having said that I do want to take more commissions for the science-art side of things.

However that isn't really what I want to write about - what I want to talk about is the physical and mental side of me. I have just finished a shopping trip. The first one without a walking stick or trolly to lean on and yes I was in pain at the end but not much! This is a great goal for me - achieved. But I have others.

I have started belly dancing classes and quiet frankly I suck at it but it has only been two weeks and it is mainly for my mobility and core muscle strength that I am doing it. I am also going for a walk daily with the baby. My aim is to be able to go out cheesy clubbing with my friends just before Christmas.

My second aim is to be able to wear a pair of high heels on Christmas Day even if it is just for half an hour - Jean has been helping me with this one - ie she picks a pair of shoes I put them on and stand up in them - I even managed to take some steps yesterday. However I will not be going clubbing in heels - oh no!

So that is the aim - both physical and mental but there is more to the mental side. I shall be taking part in NaNo again as it gives me goals and a right to set large chunks of time aside to do well me stuff - writing, drawing and drinking coffee.

And then we are back to the issue that is plagueing me at the moment - the thought that I may have to have a hysterectomy. We have decided that we will try and avoid that - the bleeding is not life threatening and if the aneamia is bad again then they can give me stuff to tackle it, also I can still try the minni pill aswell and just hope it doesn't increase the headaches or the temper. One option if the scan is fine is having another baby but there is no way I can do that yet. So if scan is fine I will be aiming to get fit and as strong as I can and then to try for another baby in one or two years and just hope the bleeding remains at a low level.

If the bleeding increases or the scan is bad and I have to have my womb removed I shall continue my excersise stuff - needed even more as there will be core muscle issues and hormone thearapy involved. The hormone thearapy is a bit of an issue due to the breast cancer risks and mum having a) had HRT and b) having had breast cancer twice. But that verses premature old age and osteoperosis which is not pleasent either (watched my nan suffer with that one). Basically if this happens then I will do all the medical stuff that is recommended.

Mentally this would be a huge blow to me but not as huge as it could be - I have my lovely girls and a supportive husband. What I have decided to do is if this happens is as follows - I will hopefully slim down again and with out the issue of more pregnancies I could have my pelvis wired and stop alot of the pain and also if I could reduce the scaring on my belly enough I would get that naval piercing I've always wanted - that will be my treat - my this is me and the shit has hit the fan but I showered it off and am still going dancing.

I may even get a butterfly tattoo if I get brave enough.

I have really appreciated all the help and support I have had from friends and family, you have all been amazing and put up with me too!

18 Months and How the Monster Hath Grown (by sarah)

Mary is now 18 months old, she walks though still resorts to crawling when she is tired, she points at animals and says ca' which means cat, she asks for milk both verbally and with baby sign, she climbs on things, pulls plug socket protectors out of the sockets and tries to shove her plastic cutlery in if I take my eyes off her. She can undo straps (in highchairs and prams and car seats), she hits the cats and then hugs them, she throws proper on the floor tantrums, she giggles at the slightest bit of fun and runs up and cuddles you, she does shy eyes at people, she gives me a cheeky grin and then runs away from me, if she is tasting something and I say no she will shove it her mouth and run off before I can take it off of her. She can open doors! She likes to help with the dishwasher and laundary which can be intersting. She says wee wee wee wee to mean she needs her nappy changed but avoids telling me before hand incase I make her sit on the potty. If she uses the potty she likes to put the cover on it and then go so that it is nicer to sit on :/

She throws a wobbly every morning when Jean and Daddy go out so we have taken to going to the park first thing followed by a walk to Mac Donalds for Coffee and fruit bag.

She BITES! Jean didn't and was quiet passive in contrast so this a bit of a suprise - we thought we woould have to stop Jean duffing her up but it is fact more the other way around. She idolises Jean and likes to follow her around everywhere. Jean follows me and the baby follows her - this means mummy can not go to the loo in peace mainly.

She loves music and sings and dances - the biggest suprise being that she lalalalas the Harry Potter theme tune! She will always stop struggling and crying with two songs - one is Gotye Someone that I Used to Know and the other is Cradle of Filths Nanthetamine.

She has a mouth full of teeth though is still cutting the big doubles at the back, she still can't handle moo milk and appears to be a bit iffy with wheat and has exma and pretty much always has the sniffles and a cough but is good natured with it (when not throwing tantrums).

She loves swings and being thrown and twirlled and things - Jean hated all that sort of thing so this is a funner part.

She has her own baby dolly called Baaabeee which she hugs and carries around and that Jean puts nappies on.

She brings me stones and twigs and will always find an escape route out of any enclosed park area as soon as you let her loose! Including gaps in railings that you haven't even seen. She will the wait to see if you've noticed the escape - grin and runa away from you really really FAST!

She responds best to Lojban phrases as she realises these are aimed at her and not Jean as a result anyone who hangs around with us ends up using Lojban phrases.

She loves books but will hit laptops if you are not showing her what you are doing on them.

She will bring you shoes and socks and say shoooo and tap her feet indicating that you should put them on her, she loves playing peek a boo. If she wants to go out she will bring you your shoes too and then her coat and then the push chair. She ill move furniture about with a percistant dragging and pushing to be able to climb up to get things off the sides or open doors.

She is a loving and cheekily fun little Monster she is not half a rogue but a rogue and a half all by her self - I've told Jean this means I have about five rogueies in the house - she just smiles and agrees and then says 'ahhh look at Mary doing x,y and z' - I get a sweet but after the first ten minutes slightly grating commentary on everything the baby is doing.

Mary tries to emmulate the martial arts she has seen practiced which is a little unfortunate and painful as she can brake a hand lock if you are not expecting it!

We love our little monster and am so glad to have her. Jean says it feels like we have always had her but that she is suprising.

A Mostly Bad Day with Wonderful Highlights but still… (by sarah)

Warning contains icky stuff about 'women's problems'

Today I awoke in a foul mood, I mean really bad, I slammed doors! The issue? Mainly that I have menstral cramps and have had for days yet again. I am still spotting most of the time with a few days here and there with nothing and the coil has been in a year - I am having at least two 'periods' or patches of heavier bleeding a month.

The bleeding this morning was heavyish and so once the school rush was over I did some drawing and crying and drinking of hot drinks.

I went back to bed after drawing three lovely cartoons that are the beginning of a series and when I woke up the bleeding was light again and I felt a lot better. So I did house hold type stuff and finished reading Iron Sunrise. Jean came home and loved my pictures and suggested some more ideas and I drew another one and a picture for her to colour once she had finished doing some more maths (she does 'home school' after real school just for fun :/).

I made us a packed dinner and when Al arrived home we went straight to my Drs appointment. I am booked in for a glucose fasting test and some other bloods for the aneamia and things and then she got another Dr to come and talk to me about the bleeding. I was examined which has really acted my pelvis up as it always does and then booked in for a scan to check the uterus and things out but from the outside (which is still inside me!) it looks fine and the coil is in the right place and everyting.

So the scan is probably going to come back fine and it is just the way I am and 12 months into having a coil (put in to stop the bleeding) it is not going to get any better. If the scan comes back fine I will start taking the minni pill as well to try and stop things - I was taking a strong strong dose of this at the beginning and it did not go well with my moods and temper but that isn't such a problem at the lighter doses.

But the main thing the Dr emphasised is that I will probably have to put up with the bleeding if I am considering ever having more kids as they are running out of non invasive options ie zapping the womb linning with lasers (I think thats what she ment anyway) or having my womb cut out/removed (I am not even going to attempt to spell the technical though it does sound far less icky and scary).

This has not made me happy as you can imagine.

Anyway hopefully the minni pill will work.

We went straight from there to the belly dancing group I've joined and though my pelvis was too sore to do some of the things this week (being my second session), I really enjoyed it especially as they were doing veil work.

Then we got home to find a strange phenomenon - there were maggots all over the pavement! EVERYWHERE including outside our house - we assume that a cat kill has ruptured and the wet warm weather has them thinking everything is a corpse shudders. This for me was a nightmare scenario - I really do not like maggots and had a whole truma getting in the house. Poor Alaric has spent like an hour washing them all off the pavement for me so that I can sleep tonight. He washed mine and Jeany's shoes as well which were dumped in a panic on the front door step. Just writting this makes me itch - I hate them and the bleeding thing makes me more paranoid about them gag.

But after my shower I have made tardi (as in lots of tardises as in more than one Tardis) for Jeany and her friends and then got to play on Al's laptop. Today has had some brilliant things in it but mainly it has been awful and I hate intense days like this.

A Quick Snippet of a Sarah Day (by sarah)

Today walked to Gloucester - had an altercation about buying books at a church bizar, got harrassed by a real life Salad Fingers until his career interviened, met up with Al and had lunch, had a grumpy teething baby, managed to walk home though last stretch had the pelvis clicking and crunching! Jeany decided to help me by cleaning the kitchen using washing up liquid and my exfoliating scrubber - she washed walls and floors, we made sushi and diary free chocolate for Mary. Still no laptop