Local Explorations (by sarah)

Sunday Lionel (Alaric's Dad) took us out for lunch and an explore of the local area - it turned out that we have already discovered some of the attractions he'd wanted to show us like Hetty Peggler's Tump and the country park we like to hang out in! But we had a fun filled very sunny day.

It started with him and Alaric mowing in the morning as Barbara (Al's aunt wanted that done before we disappeared to enjoy our selved - I had gotten confused and thought we were all going out for a picnic).

Once mowing and the like had been completed we headed out to Sheepscomb - the neighbouring village to a Pub called the Butcher's Arms. We had attempted to go there once before but there had been no parking avaliable so this was a first. It was glorious weather and you can see across the valley - this is one of Lionels favourite views:

Alaric as always couldn't quiet leave work behind and so was found on the found for some of the pub visit!

But there were many shanagans involving Jean's pink hat!

It was pleasant waiting for the food which was really nice and we chatted about the local area and writing and things - I learnt some interesting things about a guest house that existed in Sheepscomb around the world wars but I'll disguess that on Salaric Cooking at some point in the future! But it did lead to a disgussion were I discovered our friends getting married next year! Yay!!!! 🙂

Jean made a friend called Emily and they bothed chased Alaric around loads and Lionel bumped into oour neighbour in the pub!

As always I had my carmera on me and so found things to photograph!

There was a humourous moment when just after announcing the fact there was a dog turd near our bench I almost knelt in it :/ Lionel then prodded it with a stick until it went away - though at one point this almost flicked it across the pub garden!

We then went on a drive about and he showed us where there is a Roman Well lurking though we didnt get out and walk down to it.

We eventually ended up at St Mary's Church Edgeworth mainly becuase Lionel likes the big mansion next to it (the place has its own steps into the church yard!) but I was in heaven with the photo oppurtunities!

There was a lovely lynch gate with sheep beyound!

Inside was fantastic with the blazing sun outside - the light coming in through the stain glass windows really was something to behold.

I found some interesting features on some of the gravestones - including a skull which I thought was interesting and got me thinking about a story line.

The entrance we came in was marked by this lantern which again just said something to me - I love the contrast with the blue sky and the day just seemed ripe to take pictures - even if I only have a happy snappy!

Jean loved exploring the graveyard and called it an adventure! She also announced that we were the Graveyard Girls - which I thought was a cute name for a girl goth band to be honest!

Lionel and Jean found some topary 'chickens' which they insisted on feeding - Lionel is of course obsessed with chickens so it seemed most apropraite.

We then got back in the car and continued driving - I was quiet tired at this point and begain to doze in the car which annoyed me as I wanted to take in where we were going and things.

Eventually we ended up in Cirencester (famed for its Roman roots), now we have explored this place but mainly just the main town bit as it was when I was still on crutches. Lionel took us to a great park/estate thing which appeared to have a castle at its gate!

Apparently the path goes on and on and is very french in the feel of it!

We would have gone futhure but as always - I needed the loo so we had to go on a toliet hunt! But I did take more pics on route!

I'm glad I did need the loo though becuase it ment we found a fantastic outdoors swimming pool which we plan to visit frequently (I think the helpfulness of the gate staff in telling us where they're loo was and not charging us anything really made me feel like this would be a nice place to spend sunny days!).

After that we headed back to the car for more driving about and being shown things - one of the things Lionel wanted to do was find a Ford he used to go over lots - we found something in the right sort of area and they asked me what I thought - I felt uneasy so Lionel got out to check and thought it looked a bit deep - this was becuase we were a road over from where we wanted to be and the nice lady in the house we were outside came and told us so and how to find the ford!

We found it and it had a white duck with orange beak on it that Jeany got a bit obsessed about! She's still talking about it now!

Lionel pointed out more road turnings with churches that are nice down them (not sure how much of it I will remember mind!). He took us to Syde Church purelly becuase it is titchy!

Syde Church

I'm sorry but the churchyard was a bit squished too and I couldn't get a good angle for the whole church.

But there was an excellent gate which I just had to take photos of:

There was a door that said Danger on it - and so naturally I came round the corner to find my family had climbed up the steps :/

Interestingly I then found another skull on a grave stone that looked somehow reminiscent of the one from the previous grave yard - this added fuel to my story idea.

And just as we were getting back in the car I noticed this fungus on a tree - anyone know what it is?

Off we went again and we headed towards a hill I have often seen and the Church that looks like its positioned where a fort should be - this is Churchdown and the Church is St Bartholomew's and it had a kissing gate which Jean learned the name off and then proceeded to enchant all the pensioners but informing them that it was a kissing gate :/

There is the most fantastic view over Cheltenham ever from here!

Again there was a mirrade of photo oppurtunities including some funky grave stones - though I didn't find any more skulls this time - there was however a sun dial which I thought was an interesting thing to have on a grave.

Jean and Lionel had fun investigating this fantastic bench!

There was also more interesting lanternage about which again lent a magical air to the day - I couldn't find anymore skull gravestones but as the evening service was about to start I didn't really have enough time to look!

Apparently the church is built on the site of a Roman temple dedicated to Jupiter.

Thirsty we headed off to another pub me and Alaric have only seen the car park off - the Edgemore.

Again there was an impressive view:

It was a fantastic day even if I did spend alot of time fretting about not having sunblock - and guess who was burnt?!

Alaric argues that he wasn't burnt becuase it didn't hurt :/

Jean off course was fine! I was being hen peck mum and stuff making her sit in the shade and wear her hat all day!

I am actually really looking forward to exploring all the little churches around here - and think Alaric's going to be sad about the amount of space my photos take up on the server!

FORTH (by alaric)

Recently there's been some excitement in some corners of the programming languages community over the fact that Forth Dimensions has been scanned in and OCRed and is now available.

Read more »

Hospital Windows (by sarah)

Silent World

Portal, out staring

Concrete cubes

Stretch to the sky

Brown on Brown

Line sinuous

Cracked

Golden dawn

Violet dusk

Stretched into buaety

Spindly tree

Flutters - Life

Maroon leaves

Twitch

Their reflection

Tangerine clouds

Scud

Seagulls soar

Life beyond Glass

Clarification (by sarah)

Ok from some of the reactions I got from the previous post about depression I thought I just needed to make it clear that there are mulitiple pains that I suffer - some of which have known cuases like the pain from the scar tissue/inflammation in my shoulders and the disc in my lower back that likes to squeeze its way out.

However, around the time I came down with the impedigo ie a few weeks before the strip of red rash I begain to get other pains - in the joints like flu and burning skin and stabby pains that suddenly bubbly burned (if that makes any sense).

These have continued even though the possible shingles rash has gone.

Previous to this bought of illness I had the localised pain of my shoulders (a worsoning condition I've had since a teenager), lower back and pelvis (which still clicks if I do too much). Plus the arthritic wrist joint and all the associated refered pain from them. Now where the refered pain sits in the medical world is complecated along with secondary problems of if I stress my muscles clamp down and go into spasm. I know about most of this and have been doing my pain management stuff for them but these new pains have just added ontop.

Increasingly in the last few months I have also been even more tired than normal for me. Last time I was tired all the time they said it was becuase a muscle had gone into spasm and just hadn't come out - resulting in the upper half of my back being ridged and therefore not flexing properlly. I have also been waking up with pins and needles in my hands and feet resulting in stumbling first thing in the morning. I have also been falling over lots. My joints have always been weak especially just after I had Jean so I have alwasy stumbled more than most poeple. The pins and needles have been there since the pregnancy and they say they'll follow it up and they decide there's no point as I'm managing.

Depression is a complecated subject and what is cuase and effect can always be argued but people with chronic pain end up depressed becuase they are in pain lots especially around flare ups. IBS also has this as I assume any chronic illness does to be quiet honest.

In the past I have also lost the use of my hands for extended periods of time and obviously there was the wheel chair stuff after the pregnancy. Dealing with this sort of thing is an all to common occurance for me.

I was taken into the hospital the other week becuase I was dehydrated the other week - I felt I wasn't sick enough to go even to the Drs but when a Dr says you need to be on a drip and is offering you an ambulance - you go to the hospital. I had an infection that was acting up the IBS and if I wasn't so scared of drs and hospitals I would have gone and seen him sooner. I hate Drs and hospitals so only tend to go when Alaric forces the issue this last lot started with the impetigo thing and I only went - becuase I couldn't actually open my mouth to eat.

Now I don't know what is cuasing the skin sensitivity but the back pain is not cuased by depression - but chronic pain can be made worse by stress becuase your muscles clamp down and there is more strain on you body. If you are stressed you don't relax properlly etc...

Stress is also a known trigger for IBS. Now I am the sort of person who gets stressed so I have to be careful about how I manage things - now there are different types of depression so sometimes it can be there with stress and be mixed up with the stress and sometimes not.

I also got myself run down and exhorsted which didn't help - and I didn't notice it happening until the Dr said.

Anyway the point of this is that the pain (at least the old pain) is not cuased by depression but can be made less managable and more server by stress, some with the IBS. The dr was very admimant that I've been doing too much. He also said this was not something that could be solved over night. So to minimise my very physically symptoms I am supposed to be avoiding stress at the moment, now how mind works over matter is a very intracote subject and there are shelves and shelves of books on the subject.

So I don't propose to go into that in depth becuase its really not going to help my situation.

A Depressing Outcome (by sarah)

I went to the drs yesturday to get the results of my blood test - they decided not to run them as apparently I've had them done in the last year - don't know when :/ maybe at the hospital. And becuase there was no need as I'm depressed according to the questionaire.

Now one of the heavey scorers on there is sleep problems and tiredness - well yes - thats the problem I am tired all the time :/

Another was feeling like your failing - erm well I am failing at stuff aren't I becuase I'm sick and tired all the time.

And yes I probably am depressed - the dr said its Life Situation depression which can't be solved with drugs and that I have been under too much stress and things for the last few years.

He said it was only a matter of time before I broke - I've got two chronic conditions - chronic pain and IBS both of which have depression as 'side effects' (along with chronic fatigue). And then there are the stomach ulcers.

I still haven't gotten around to telling him about the pins and needles and had to sort of force the issue that the brown blotches on my skin are getting worse not better. I have yet another cream for them a topical steroid - anti-inflamitory and anti-fungal called Daktacort hydrocortisone cream. So I am hoping that will get rid of it - as its even on my neck now and I'm petrified it will get onto my face.

The Dr also can not back date the note for college to when I started to feel really bad - ie just before the suspected shingles rash appeared as... I didn't go to the Drs with it! But I did - I went to the Drs and had a prescription - but its not there in my notes - only the impetigo which was mild - but I actaully went to the drs that time becuase I couldn't open or close my mouth due to a swollen gland in me neck and the skin issue was an aside.

I've been going to the drs on and off for months now feeling feeling bad and its not there in the notes! This is when I start to feel I'm imagining it all.

Imagining the pain thats crippling me - pain management people never sorted out the stuff they said they would. Imagining the pins and needles and the amount I'm falling over, to tiredness - the fact that one of my back muscles has been in spasm for two years (what the physios tell me never corrosponds with what the Dr then tells me).

The way I feel at the moment is that I didn't need to go into hospital for the diarreia stuff and that my course has been screwed up for no reason what so ever now - if its only depression then why couldn't I go and do my presingtation?

I actually feel far more what I think of as depressed since seeing the dr - I feel I've just screwed everything up for no reason now and I'm in so much pain and so tired all the time and have an upset tummy all the time. I now feel like a complete flake and that everything I do is tainted - but wasn't feeling like this until he said I was depressed which is in its self stupid.

I feel like a complete and utter failure.

So yeah I suppose that means I'm depressed - I'm signed off for a month and have to see him agian in three weeks time to assess things - he suggested I think hard about taking on the potential client I also saw yesturday and about college. He did say i could have a cover letter thing for college but I would have to pay so he suggested I see if they will pay for it.

I'm feeling like the rugs been pulled out from under me.

The other thing is they say there's no sign of inflamation - so why do my joints hurt? None of it makes any sense. I wish they hadn't lost my notes from before I moved here - all the stuff for the pain clinic - all the tests I went through and some of them where quiet painfull.

Last time I asked about this they said I'd been coping so long with it that there was no point in doing anything other than pain management. So I'm left wondering is there really nothing that can be done - am I really going to feel like this for the rest of my life?

Becuase if that's the case how can you actually be anything other than depressed? Especially as the back stuff gets worse with time and I have to be so careful. I don't want to end up being scared of going out -I saw the state of some of the older people on my pain management course and I don't want to end up like that.

To be fair he did ask me what diagnosis I wanted and I said I didn't care as long as it was something that could be sorted and thats true - I just want to be able to do stuff again.