Occassionally I keep falling over for no good reason - I dont go dizzy or twist my ankle - my legs one or both just sort of give up. This has been happening for a while now but with enough time inbetween that I keep forgetting about it and wouldnt have thought much about it except Al started asking why was I falling over?
I didnt think it was anything to worry about considering whats happened to me recently I thought it was me setterling into movement angain - if that makes scense, especially as it tended to happen when I was 'pushing' myself.
Today however, it happened whilst I was carrying Jean, I managed to recover slightly and using new found Mother reflexes prefented her from hitting the deck, I was however then stuck in a strange sort of crouch that Al had to rescue me from 🙁
Now obviously this is not good - I dread to think of her having hit the ground - I cried I'm afriad. Now I've been a bit paranoid about this sort of thing but the nurse assured me lasst time I was at the drs that I was perfectly capable of carrying JEan (even though I regually lose all strength in left arm). I had completely forgotten about the falling over (which to be fair the dr does not yet know about as I was going to say something at my three month review) when I said to Al I would carry her 🙁 He had carried her for the entier outing around Cheltenham and when we got to the car park I offered to releive him of her so he could get to the van quicker for loading 🙁
Al agrees that its not safe for me to carry her unless short journeys in the house where I have worked out tequnics from my dizzy spell phase. This is so poo 🙁 Poor little baby she didnt even cry though it must have jolted her to some extent :'(
Tell me why am I still trusting the health service? They say I'm fine I end up crippled, they change their minds, they say I'm fine breathlessness is normal in pregnancy and then oh its a trip to cuasulty and then months in and out of hospital that could have been avoided! etc.. the list is too long these days - along with the drs here not having any records of the blood clots! Thank god Al was there - thank god I have people who where there and can coorberate what went on - they have lost the list of meds they gave me whilst pregnant plus more than half the notes where missing 🙁
They said it was fine to carry Jean - what if I hadnt been able to recover sufficently and she'd smashed her head open? How am I supposed to be a good mother? I cant even carry her anywhere - I cant take her out of the valley by myself - Al struggles getting the push chair up the hill?
Sorry this is yet again another winging self indulgent - arggg! I dont really know what to do post.
Jean is fine though and Als going to frog march me to the Docs! (more pointless tests where the results will be lost no doubt).
Jean has worked out stairs!!!!!
Arrrrrggggggggggggg!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
And we are still waiting for those nice shiny baby gates we were promised by a friend - I think in desperation we may have to by some ourselves 🙁 Oh well - I'm proud of her as well - its a big step! Hahahaha - sorry insomnia babble yet again 🙂
Al invented a new game to play with our energetic exploro-bubble, otherwise known as Jean.
Sitting on the bed with her she crawls to the edge but before she gets there you grab her legs and pull her backwards(gently of course) you have to say in an annoyingly gooey voice 'bubble goes backwards!' and she shreiks with joy untold - she really really loves this game!
Her communication skills are interesting, signwise she does Milk, Yummy (or if she thinks your taking to long this turns into double milk), and No! (which food wise results is food being chucked if you dont notice in time).
Words - Mamamama, Dadadadada, Nananana (or these could all be the same thing and everone is having wishful thinking but strangers have now said thats what shes saying so I think we are home and dry with those). Num num (this is my fualt as I say nummy nanana and is equivalent to yummy or food in JEan speak), Eggo (we think this is hello as we say it too her a lot and she waves whilst saying it). Then there are sudo grgr (maybe granddad?) and brbr (Barabara?).
Crying - She has some distinctive crying patterns - there is what I think of as genuin crying which just makes you want to hug her lots - this normally occures when she crawls into the cross beam of chair or underside of bed. Then there is mizogging, this is I'm tired or have a dirty nappy etc... it is repeatative and highly annoying - I think this must be a survivial techniquic bred into us so that we try and find what the baby needs to shut them up! Then there is the hysterical I want to be played with and entertained where do you think you are going? And why have you taken my bottle away?!!!!! - this is the most destressing as you cant carry them everywhere and when dealing with kettles and the like they cant really be near them and they really dont understand that the bottle is empty even when its being replaced with a full one! This type of crying makes you want to cry and makes you feel your really letting them down in some way.
Body langauge - Jean smiles lots 🙂 She also scowls in a dark and brooding manner - something she has inherited from Al's side I feel, then there is the old rubbing eyes when tired, waving arms and wiggling when excited. But the bit we are gushy proud perants of at the moment is that she spent Monday at nursery waving hello and goodbye to people as they came and went - this is somethng we had been working on 🙂 but she was just waving all the time going eggo now she's sort of cottoned on 🙂
Ok so I'm still awake - brain active, thinking too much again - this is not good for the worlds general population especially if I start looking at the news and see just how we are screwing things up even more - sigh.
Why do I have insomnia?
Is it becuase I've had issues being cleared health wise to go back to college and have told them so and am waiting for the response - waiting to find out if I can do any geology this yr or wheather I will be sitting out on the bench in the cold yet again 🙁
Is it becuase I feel I've let people down - I have samples sitting there waiting for me, people have gone out of their way to help me, I want to be an astrobiologist dam it! I have impact lithologies waiting I have theories to investigate - I feel that I have also let mankind down in some odd way - maybe some discovery is hunged on my work - maybe one of the samples I have is important? I'm not saying I would make the discovery mearly that me having my mitts on the samples means that they are not currently being investigated when they may hold valuable info. But then again I know that there was a shortage of people to do the dog work 🙁
So whats the plan now - I really dont know - that probably explain why yet again I am buring the candle dead into the night :'(
I think I have geology withdrawal! Today I saw some mica glinting at me and lots of feldspar - I had to fight the instinct to drop to the gound to investigate the kurb of someones garden - I suspect the rocks/blocks came from scotland - sigh.
Maths keeps calling me too... I find my self wondering about how things work ie pooters then I start asking Al questions then I start getting itchy to do some maths - unfortunatly I'm still looking for my maths stuff - it must be still lurking in a box somewhere. In desperation I started working out sequence stuff - but couldnt remember so had to make up my own notation - I dont think stars and moons and hearts really cut the mustard 🙁
I can feel my brain shriverlling up from the lack of science - how do 'normal' people cope without it?
On the plus side Jean has the making of a 'proper' geologist! The first thing she did when placed on the grass near the gravel road - was to pick up a stone, examin it, turning it this way and that, waking it on the other stones to check for hardness and trying to determine its streak by 'drawing' with it - then the altermate sign of a 'proper' geologist - she tasted the sample!
(unfortunatly at this juncter I had to take the sample away from her which resulted in tears - no geologist likes having their samples confiscated!)
Yes it is obviouslt for posting all the magnetic alphebet letters in - she spent ages crawling backwards and forwords to get the letters off the fridge and place them carefully in the potty.
She and the kittens have also been helping with the house work!
Jean spent yesturday giving me things she had fetched - unfortunatly one of these helpful items was the bag of nappy sacks - the sacks all fell out. The kittens then decided they would help tidy these up - the landing and bathroom floor were covered but then JEan helpfully picked them all up and gave them to me - with uber amounts of enthusiasm!
The kittens also decided that I wasnt being fast enough with my bead work and that the sharring elastic needed to be on the other side of the room!
Disclaimer - no babies or kittens were left on their own at any time with horrid bags that could suffocate or choke them!
Jean, Sarah | sarah | 
Thu 10th Aug 2006 7:24 pm | 
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