Monday loomed large at me and it was Jean's first fall day at school trial.
So I packed her lunch and dressed her and off she went with Daddy to school.
And then I got absorbed with tidying the house and writing and even a bit of gardening and drawing and then at about 2:30 when I was thinking about sorting out pick up Barbara's gardener Inga started asking me questions and then Mary Barbara's cleaner turned up to return some plants and things and started talking to me too.
And I forgot about school pick up - in my mind Jean was safe in school and it was a whole day just like pre-school and nursery except - we used to leave at 5 to pick Jean up from them.
I needed to be back at the school at 3 pm not 5 pm. At 3:15 I wonder upstairs to talk to Alaric and discover that no one has gone to get Jean - so I shout at Al and tell him to phone the school and grab dad and we drive up there.
Jean was sitting in with the teacher drawing and chatting away and I got told off - and then when I tried to explain that Barbara wasn't here and her cleaner and gardener wanted to talk to me it sounded so pathetic and some how stuck up.
They said that normally reception children would have cried and Jean didn't she was perfectly happy - they did point out this was a good thing as it ment that she's adjusted well and as it was the end of a full day as well it shows she's definatly ready.
Jean was very happy all the way home pretending to be a ghost and telling me about her day.
But then we got home and she got her lunch box out - 'Mummy you made me wait the longest and I didn't have a spoon for my yogurt' at which point I burst into tears.
I felt I'd really really let her down, I've been making her yogurt for school as she's been staying for lunches this last week but I keep forgetting the spoon or her drink or her sandwitches or to put something in the sandwitch and even the entire lunch. 🙁
I am finding remembering everything hard at the moment 🙁 She hugged me lots and then told me she had drunk the yogurt so it was ok - and then I cried more becuase I was failing and crying in front of her and then Al appeared and hugged us both.
I then spent the afternoon snuggled with Jean on the setee watching Mysterious Cities of Gold and eating popcorn - Jean was incredulous that the popcorn came out of bag and I didn't put the popping machine on :/ but she eat it anyway.
During the Literature Festival there was a fringe event called Poetry Cafe held at the Museum and Art Gallery in Cheltenham and I was reading!
Due to competition from other events it wasn't as well tended as the first one in September but I ended up going back up to read twice! That is two more times after my initial reading 🙂
I also bumped into someone I hadn't seen for a while who was very excited as he has 'always loved my work' 🙂 and got even more excited when I pointed out I now had a poetry blog.
I read:
The Markov Chains of Literature
A Little Chaos
The Break-Up
I Want
The Baby-Wocky
Today I had a stress getting Jean out to school on time mainly due to the fact she managed to get something on her last clean shirt but we made it as the last kid was entering her class.
I rushed her in but had a sinking feeling as I noticed none of the rest of the children where in their uniform - it was All Change Friday - the first of the school year and I had forgotten 🙁
Jean hasn't said anything about it but somehow I get the feeling she is slightly annoyed with me and not least becuase I managed to send her in with two snacks for lunchtime instead of one - not entirely sure how I managed this one 🙁
But the thing is they have a none uniform day EVERY MONTH! I'm sure we had them max once a term - true uniform was only made compulsery at my infant school once I was in the juniors but still. And the day its one changes depending on which term your in so I have this sinking feeling that this is not going to be the last one I miss :/
I have a tone of photos and half written posts pertaining to the last month and a half which hopefully will be finding their way to going live soonish - but no promises!
I have decided to try and get back into the swing of things after this years medical stuff and random illnesses and so have signed up to do NaNoWriMo this year.
This stands for National Novel Writing Month and I was going to do it last year but what with the MRes course work and stuff I never even got started.
This was a shame as I had a lovely idea which I hope to go back at some point and make an actuality. This year I have forced the issue by actually signing up on the forum and getting myself writing buddies who will help me write!
The idea of nanowrimo is to write 50, 000 words in a month - that month is November - so why am I writing about this now? At the beginning of October?
Becuase I have already spent several weeks planning out what I want to do this year - I have a title - The Punk in Pink and am in the process of trying to sort out exactly what I want the story to be!
I am documenting the entire nanowrimo process as Purple Monster and will have the novel up there as well!
Poetry wise - things are moving forward - with my work starting to appear in anthologies and being invited to preform my poetry.
I have also taking part in an art project across the pond but more on that later - no I'm not going out there :(.
MRes wise I've asked to drop down to the diplomer and am still awaiting a response - I still want to do a PhD and stuff but I think realistically its got to wait.
Nanowrimo is away to get me doing things again with no pressure - if I failing to meet the deadline it really doesn't matter but if I do meet it then I'll have a good chunk of a novel (not that I've done anything with the previous novel I've written :/).
October is going to be me planning stuff for the novel and researching the bits that need researching - funnily enough it involves alot of geology 🙂
I'm also going to go into the school to talk to the kids about dinosaurs and research techniques which should be fun 🙂
So I went to the hospital to see what the surgon had to say and after being pulled around, x-rayed, hit with hammers (reflex testing ones) and being questioned for several hours the answer is - there is nothing they can do.
And there is still no diagnosis 🙁 I ask - so whats cuasing the pain - the weakness - they just shrug and say they'll contact my GP and its back to pain management :'(
So in other words I'm still screwed - nothings going to change its going to be like this forever.
I cried as soon as I left the office.
I tried not to get my hopes up that something would happen but part of me couldn't help it 🙁
Jean, Sarah | sarah | 
Mon 19th Oct 2009 7:13 pm | 
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