Bad Luck Field and Incompetance (by sarah)

Ok so Monday night Mum, Dad and Jean headed to Essex, Dad to have a tooth out, mum to go to Aunty Lizzies and Jean for a bridesmaid dress fitting.

I descided for many reasons that I would stay here - not least of which was to get some college work done and tidy the house up after the continual stream of visitors I've had for this month.

I waved goodbye to them at about 9 and then realised that for the first time in my life I was actually on my own - I mean really on my own - Barbara was at the Opera and the nearest neighbours are not in shouting distance.

Of course I used to do the sercurity partols around Thriftwood but there were campers in the woods. And more importantly I had a radio and some how that ment that I wasn't alone. If anything happened I could just radio in and be garenteed assistance within ten maybe 15 minutes.

But here I realised there was nothing. I didn't freak out as much as I thought I would - there were cats and so I suppose I wasn't entirely alone - what I did discover however is that every single horror movie I have ever seen or book read - filtered though my mind - so every activity was associated with some gruesome story.

I made myself some tea to drink and considered having a bath, ignoring the over active imagination that renders my stories so real.

I decided that a bath probably would be a bad idea if I was feeling a little bit spooked and so I when and hunted through Jean's films for something fun to watch. 80 days around the would - my brothers - opps I thought we'd given it back.

Before I could put it on there was a knock at the door - fortunatly I checked the time and realised that it was Barbara coming back.

I said goodnight to her assuring her I was fine and then went up stairs to watch the film. And I thought do some reading for college.

But I felt odd, feverish, ah miss judged and the period I had been waiting for for a week finially turned up. With bad cramps and then - just becuase this was my first time on my own - I threw up - violently - through my nose and everything.

And then again and again and again.

My insides felt like they were swimming. I was not happy. Then I got more ill and discovered you can't through up into the sink from the toliet and so knocked aload of stuff into the bath - which I then threw up on.

And so the night continued and so did the next morning - hot cold hot cold.

Finially about 3 pm I got some sleep having managed to keep the pain killers down. Barbara kept offering me eggs to eat and things and drinks but I really could not even abide the thought of it.

Last night I managed some crisps and toast - the toast sent me over the edge again. I was also gratefull to find I had some camomile and lime flower tea which thanks to a suggestion on facebook I sipped and stayed down much better than water.

I spent the day watching films on my laptop and sulking that I had planed to do so much work and just couldn't - the pounding headache that formed with it - mainly due to dehydration I think ment that heavey lunar mineralogy texts were out.

I devoured a point horror instead.

I had been hoping that mysterious cities of gold would arrive as I thought that would be a great tonic but instead a printer arrived - which I stupidly took off of the delivery person making myself sick again.

I failed to get the fire to relight as I was too weak to put coal into the fire place when I should have done it first thing in the morning so it just went out when I tried later on.

Its just so annoying that I got sick when I was on my own and that I had to unblock the sink and everything myself - this is also the first bad bad period I have had since having Jean - its odd but the pregnancy seemed to cure the stupid periods I used to have - maybe it was just becuase it was late.

Then to make things worse I have been trying to sort things out for Scouts today - now becuase of the shingles thing I was supposed to be taking a break but it turned out that they still wanted me to draw up all the plans and activities for the kids and get back to them within 24 hours of an email and phone call to Alaric for me to get cover.

This obviously did not happen so I have no cover for scouts - I explained before that its the paper work etc... that I find exhorsting not the going and being skip for 2 hours - I swear people don't believe me when I say I have problems filling in forms - even when I explain I'm dyslexic which I really hate doing, it makes me feel pathetic and it doesnt seem to be taken note of anyway.

I still have no assistant which is really starting to annoy me. I love the kids and doing activities with them though so I dont really want to give it up.

Anyway I emailed last night to explain that I really couldn't do tonight due to throwing up and the person who I would have thought had a whole network he should be able to phone just said he couldnt cover - well I wasnt asking him specifically - he is in charge - he should be able to arrange cover!

So the burdon once again fell to our new group leader - who is brilliant and though she is still doing her training she managed to sort things out by having a system to phone around. Thnak goodness - but I do get really peed off that its just me running the Scouts.

(before anyone panicks yes I do always have another CRB'd adult about but I need another warrented leader).

Oh and of course though Dad was coming back last night/this morning its Davids birthday so now they are all going out for meal instead - I had asked about that when I was deciding weather to come down or not and was told he wasnt doing anything for his birthday :/ This means I'm on my own again all day and stuff - and theres supposed to be a meteor shower tonight that I've been looking forward to for ages.

Perceptions (by sarah)

This morning there was an incident that shook me quiet badly and has me wondering about my reactions and what I should have done. We where in the outskirts of Cheltenham near the Morrisons when we became stuck in traffic, there was a long line of at least twenty cars but just when we considered turning around the traffic bagain to move albeit slowely.

We then saw there was a car at a 45 degree angle in the ditch, we looked and there appeared to be someone in the car but someone was talking to them and about 5 people where on phones - there were another two cars at crazy angles making the road into a sharlum.

This slowed the traffic. There were some poeple sitting on the grass shaking but again there were people on phones. I assumed that everything was under control - we were stuck in the middle of the line of traffic - when a man came up and started shouting at us for stopping to look and that one person was dead.

He mainly shouted at mum, and it frightened her, as the traffic moved again and the shouting man moved off mum kept saying he must have been in shock.

But it made me think - I had assumed that with all those people around that I would just get in the way even though I am a trained first aider but with what the man said I suddenly realised that the number off people around - they could have all come out of the cars in the accident.

I was looking to see if anyone did need help and didn't see anything obviously needing a first aider but that looking at the scene was mistaken as 'sight seeing'. But at the same time my reaction to the man shouting at us wasn't this guy is in shock which he obviously was but I thought - a nut case is attacking us.

I am also wondering now if any of the cars infront of us had offered any help? We hadn't ment to end up in line of traffic going through a chaotic accident scene but once in the narrow band of traffic there wasn't alot we could do - this must have looked really heartless and uncaring to the victims though.

I can almost see the head lines now - 'No Good Samaritian for Road Side Fatality'. I feel really bad that I didn't think to ask - I just saw people on phones and thought - oh they've got it under control and by the time I had even processed what was actually happening we were past the scene and mum was being upset.

I really hope that no one was seriously hurt 🙁

The perceptions of people in chaotic situations is so warped I don't think that anyone even with lots of training is ever going to be able to fully assess a situation like that. People seem hostile and scary, anger runs high and people are having 'knee jurk' reactions. Also when we compared 'notes' it was almost as if the three of us had seen three different things which is quiet scary in its self.

But I still should have asked 🙁

A Sense of Deja Vu (by sarah)

Alaric left for London yesturday to fly out to Santa Clara for a MySQL conference thingy and within an hour of him leaving my mother asks me if I knew a neighbour - I say yes and then ask why.

She said Barbara had asked her if she had known Linda and when she had said no Barbara had just walked off.

A sinking feeling begain in my gut - Linda was a very sick woman and I was awere she hadn't been to visit for a while but then she always had spurts in hospital and stuff. So I went over to talk to Barbara and she said 'you didn't know my friend Linda but she dies yesturday.' I've been making preserves and giving them to Linda for about two years and her and her husband used to come found for a lot of meals with Barbara - we tracked down foods she'd had when she lived abroad that she couldn't find like tofu and balsamic glaze.

So I had to explain that we did know her and then deal with the fact that this was actually one of Barbara's closest friends in the village. She was very sick and apparently refused the dialysis that could have kept her alive for a bit longer 🙁

After that I found out from Barbara that some terminally ill children are coming over in May to visit and she would like it if me and Alaric could be around to take them on an outing.

I came back to the Bakery feeling troubled - I had one thought I could not shake - please god don't let this be another September. Family friend/villager dying - that was how it all started.

September - the catastrophic month - four funerals, three in one week.

Fear clinched at me - who was I going to loose? Who that I felt deeply about would be leaving me next? Stupid and idiotic, I fought the stupersticous thought. A pattern repeating, encircling me. Alaric away on business and the messages of death begin to arrive.

Insane thoughts - edged with tears for Alex once more.

Obviously no more such messages arrived but Barbara came over later that day to give me some cool gardening bits she had been sent for free/by mistake and didn't know what to do with and some recipies she'd cut out for me.

She also bought round a job advert - something she had cut out a while ago and forgotten to give me but seemed to be the perfect job for me - geologist, very local - Birdlip - walking distance really. It was the company Alex was working for when Alex died.

I saw the name of the company and thrust it back at her, 'no thats Alex's job' I cried - I don't even know if it was I just panicked as soon as I saw the company name.

'Oh he's that close is he?' Barbara asks - then she went on to ask why he hadn't been round for dinner or to visit recently. I couldn't say anything.

She carried on talking and then said - 'oh this company is the one that was involved with that poor boys death in that trench is it?'

I managed to say, 'That was Alex' and then ran out the room and locked myself in my room and cried.

Jean came and found me and 'hugged me better'. I still feel just so raw about it all. I'm wondering how often this is going to happen 🙁

Opps and Mew (by sarah)

I have lots of stuff to blog about but I had abit of a crash after the party and have now misplaced my card reader which is a pain :/ I would also like it if people could send me picks that are large files even if they are on face book - I sort of want to make an online album/webpage thing.

We've had @ndy staying here since the party and had an easter egg hunt for Jean - we have been brimming with people but now @ndy's back to London and Alaric more importantly is off to Ammerica 🙁

I have also not been emailed the results of when I used the microprobe and have deadlines coming up and the scout cover was not organised as apparently I had to phone someone over easter to organise everything the kids were doing anyway - erm... thats the hard bit people - thats the bit that makes me tired - turning up to run an evening isnt really the stressful bit its all the paper work and stuff. Grrrr!!! So looks like I'm still doing scouts - so much for the 'taking it easy' break.

Sorry guys feeling abit stressed at the mo - but basically just blogging to say sorry there aren't any funky photos yet!

I’m Going to Be Box (by sarah)

I was abit worried about the Logian's Run theme as I know my body just isn't really in the sort of state where anyone wants to see it in a short bit of sheet tied up with string - plus I thought I might get cold!

So I decided to go as box - I made the mask from papier mache and made the wire springs and stuff - which was fun as I hadn't done any wire working for a long time.

I'm now hoping that the rest of the outfit will be ready for Saturday - and that people wont be scared off as I look awful! Jeany liked the mask before I added silver paper and springs - she now says its scary.

Hopefully I'll get round to blogging about how I made it over on Salaric Craft.