Life Fail (by alaric)

For too many years now, it's seemed like we've being dragged from situation to situation, at the whim of events rather than steering our own course...

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Rebooting Me (by sarah)

So I have done what the Dr suggested and then thanks to responses to my other posts i.e. this one, this one and this one have no reached a situation were I can again see a future for me.

One; that involves me going with the flow of my life and not fighting against things so much. Saying - yeah ok I do actually need to do 3-4 hours of physio during the day and long hot baths to keep things under control with my back. And this goes with the science and business stuff too.

For a long time I have supressed, ignored or ridiculed my artistic self - just stuff to entertain Jean or just a way of being able to afford gifts for people. I had to choose between art and science at A'levels though I kept a toe hold with the creative writing short course.

I chose science - I chose A'levels when I could have been off to St Martins to do a Foundation course - I do and don't regret this decission. At the end of the day I have a 2:1 from Imperial College and I worked hard to get it and learnt skills that have fed into many other areas of my life. I don't think I can even be pure art in the same why I could never be a pure scientist am both.

This is my issue - I love geology and rocks and people who understand what I'm talking about if I start spouting geology terms.

And I have been assessing what I actually want out of science - what is my altermate goal?

I realised in the autum that I want to communicate science - I want to build bridges - I am not a lab monkey. But I didn't realise lab monkeys existed until I tried to go back to science. I found that during my course I loved the lectures and I adored writing the two essays on science subjects I hadn't seen before and joining it all together, pooling the knowledge that was spread out amoungst all those journals all those papers - seeing connections that others had not noticed - suggesting things to try from other branches of my knowlegde for ecology stuff and so on.

I want to write popular science and show kids that science is fun. I want to learn new things and make links that might well be lost. In a Stephen Lawhead book (can't remember what it was called but it involved Hindu gods, dreaming and Mars) they actually had a position in academia called a Bridge - a person whos job was to know a little bit about everything - to talk to people and see where the needs were and have the ability to see what connections between subjects or people needed to be made.

This is sort of I supposes Holistic stuff for science and society - looking at how it all fits together - if you are focused on one area you can't see that the answer you need is over there in the humanities departement.

I have a depressing tale where this would have been a very valuable person to have around.

At an EANA conference just before Jean came into the picture (I wont say she wasnt there becuase she was! Just!) I heard the sad tale of money time and effort and we are talking alot of money and lot of time (years) that some people spent on designing a special drill for sample return missions.

When the person I was talking too looked at what they had done he noticed that they had from first principles designed exactly the sort of thing the oil industry has been using for decades. How could this have happened?

The research group where all physists - they didn't even think to look at the mining and oil industries - it didn't occure to them that those industries had to take samples under hard conditions.

Academia at least is getting a bit better with this but only becuase inderviduals have decided to have lateral careers - ie they move from Chemistry to Physics or from Medicine to Geology and so one.

I ask myself why do I want a PhD and they answer seems to be - so that people will actually take my science writing seriously. But to do a PhD you have to be passionate about one topic, or slice of topic and be focused on that alone for 3-4 yrs. Now I still want a PhD to have tasted the science world beyound where I am now but I can't cope with doing it part time whilst trying to do everything else so I think it is going to have to wait until I am older and yes this means I am probably giving up the shining career I have gilmpsed from time to time, for the family life but hey what else am I going to do with my retirement 😉

In the mean time there is the webstuff, my blogs and art I can do in my own time at home - hopefully moving forward.

Art and writing is not just something I do to fill the time - and so I am awaiting a book of free poems becuase I happen to be one of the poets and I am going to send off more - now that I have started to have things accepted - its taken me what? 3 years from when I started submitting to things again - I have to confess I got disheartened and tend to do rashes of sending stuff off!

If I can raise the money I may go for the Craftsmen Guild - they get your stuff displayed and only demand you steward a few exhibates for a few days a year - I think I could handle that - but there would be prep work so its a maybe at the mo - I would have to get a portfolio of crafts stuff put together which would take some time I think. Plus I would like to get the dragon case mod finished before I start down that sort of root.

The writing is still all ticking away there and will continue to do so - but where does this leave the science and my course?

I'm not sure if college will agree to this but I want to drop down to the one year course and get a diplomer in reseach and so that at some point in the future I can go for a full time PhD (way in the future this is at the moment).

I want to do my pacing (part of the pain management) with 1/2 of sitting down doing computer stuff ie writing or websites and 1/2 up and at them with sorting the house and Jean out etc...

This has been working well the last few weeks though obviously pacing is far harder to actually do with Jean about.

Hopscotch Poem (by sarah)

I was so fuming after the post the other day that I found myself expressing the stupidness in poem form.

Feed back welcome!

It's called Hopscotch in case you were wondering:

Here's some chalk

Now go and play

Hopscotch was fun, in my day

A small child smiles up at his mum

Then runs outside in the sun

And begins to draw

the hopscotch grid

When out pops his friend - Sid

Then there's Jane, Marther, Mary and May

They've all come outside to play

Throwing stones

to mark their place

the hopscotch moves on a pace

until that is...

sirens rent the sky

And two burly police

come to spy

And tell them that their game's a fraud

Hopscotch - it turns out

is against the law!

And so with tears

they must scrub away

Chalk with which they should play

Stupidity in huge great measure

Stealing away childhood treasure

Whilst prisons burst at the seams

Police down size crimes - to please...

Those Powers That Be

So that they can get more votes

Seizing the UK securely by the throat

Sweeping troubles under the rug

By proclaiming a 5 yr old - THUG

And so without childhood games

I predict arson flames

as our youth grows in discontent

Violence shows as angers vent

So please - I beg

Government Sir!

Why not let childhood naturally unfurl?

And all those games of yester-year

be played in our streets

without fear

Sorting things out (by sarah)

I'm currently sorting things out for a fun weekend of family wedding and meeting up with people - there have been a few hicups already ie getting the wronge weekend for the wedding in Al's diary and concequently issues with his dad's visit!

A friends just had a baby so I'm bring some things down for her as well and have made the wedding presant and card.

I have also been sorting out paper work and my craft supplies and through talking to the local arts and craft people have been instilled with the idea of selling the cards I've been making.

Generally I've had people saying I really should be displaying my art work and things but I just don't know how to do this and have no money to join anything or hire galleries etc...

As Alaric said in hind sight giving up the art classes and writing group to go back to my course right at the point lots of things fell to pieces for me (Alex dying, mum's last lot of cancer and the realisation that we had miss understood/miscalculated money issues plus the situation with being stuffed by my main client) was a bad trade off.

I'm not even sure if I blogged back in the autum that one of my pictures was on display locally thanks to the art teacher.

This is leading me to thinking though - I love science and geology and feel it is part of me but it is easier with pain flare ups and tummy stuff to be at home writing, making websites and doing arty things - but what will make me happy?

I have never react well to having to choose between the two Art and Science. They are not even distinct in my mind but then I have a slightly odd take on things and veiw it all as creative.

I want to try and finish at least the first year of my course but it means more money we don't have but on the other hand if I don't we loose that money already invested in it.

And then the art world is so uncertain - publishing is going through the mill at the moment - big changes the industry are failing to cope with and so traditional avenues are closed but I have noticed new ones opening up - but I am beginner at this game and have no idea how to muscel my way in.

I interact with an extended communitee of writers on twitter but mainly we discuess our kids and the like. I also have science friends on there and a healthy dose of computer people and a few arty crafties but this is only making my dissusions harder.

I am all of these things but modern society doesn't really allow for Jack of all trades especially one who has intermitent health. And so by not choosing I risk achieving nothing.

But I don't think I can choose - my life feels unbalance when I do not have a mix of things.

And at the same time I feel that the house and Jean are priority - I get sick even for a few days and the house descends into chaos and I can not really allow this and so I feel an instinct to nest build until it is all easy to maintain with out me looking over everyones shoulders all the time.

I started this post thinking I was going somewhere and that I had sorted part of my life out but realised as I was writing it that it is all still open questions and discuissions to be made.

The Dr pointed out that I was one person and one person only - I am trying to take this into account with what I plan to do next.

Local Explorations (by sarah)

Sunday Lionel (Alaric's Dad) took us out for lunch and an explore of the local area - it turned out that we have already discovered some of the attractions he'd wanted to show us like Hetty Peggler's Tump and the country park we like to hang out in! But we had a fun filled very sunny day.

It started with him and Alaric mowing in the morning as Barbara (Al's aunt wanted that done before we disappeared to enjoy our selved - I had gotten confused and thought we were all going out for a picnic).

Once mowing and the like had been completed we headed out to Sheepscomb - the neighbouring village to a Pub called the Butcher's Arms. We had attempted to go there once before but there had been no parking avaliable so this was a first. It was glorious weather and you can see across the valley - this is one of Lionels favourite views:

Alaric as always couldn't quiet leave work behind and so was found on the found for some of the pub visit!

But there were many shanagans involving Jean's pink hat!

It was pleasant waiting for the food which was really nice and we chatted about the local area and writing and things - I learnt some interesting things about a guest house that existed in Sheepscomb around the world wars but I'll disguess that on Salaric Cooking at some point in the future! But it did lead to a disgussion were I discovered our friends getting married next year! Yay!!!! 🙂

Jean made a friend called Emily and they bothed chased Alaric around loads and Lionel bumped into oour neighbour in the pub!

As always I had my carmera on me and so found things to photograph!

There was a humourous moment when just after announcing the fact there was a dog turd near our bench I almost knelt in it :/ Lionel then prodded it with a stick until it went away - though at one point this almost flicked it across the pub garden!

We then went on a drive about and he showed us where there is a Roman Well lurking though we didnt get out and walk down to it.

We eventually ended up at St Mary's Church Edgeworth mainly becuase Lionel likes the big mansion next to it (the place has its own steps into the church yard!) but I was in heaven with the photo oppurtunities!

There was a lovely lynch gate with sheep beyound!

Inside was fantastic with the blazing sun outside - the light coming in through the stain glass windows really was something to behold.

I found some interesting features on some of the gravestones - including a skull which I thought was interesting and got me thinking about a story line.

The entrance we came in was marked by this lantern which again just said something to me - I love the contrast with the blue sky and the day just seemed ripe to take pictures - even if I only have a happy snappy!

Jean loved exploring the graveyard and called it an adventure! She also announced that we were the Graveyard Girls - which I thought was a cute name for a girl goth band to be honest!

Lionel and Jean found some topary 'chickens' which they insisted on feeding - Lionel is of course obsessed with chickens so it seemed most apropraite.

We then got back in the car and continued driving - I was quiet tired at this point and begain to doze in the car which annoyed me as I wanted to take in where we were going and things.

Eventually we ended up in Cirencester (famed for its Roman roots), now we have explored this place but mainly just the main town bit as it was when I was still on crutches. Lionel took us to a great park/estate thing which appeared to have a castle at its gate!

Apparently the path goes on and on and is very french in the feel of it!

We would have gone futhure but as always - I needed the loo so we had to go on a toliet hunt! But I did take more pics on route!

I'm glad I did need the loo though becuase it ment we found a fantastic outdoors swimming pool which we plan to visit frequently (I think the helpfulness of the gate staff in telling us where they're loo was and not charging us anything really made me feel like this would be a nice place to spend sunny days!).

After that we headed back to the car for more driving about and being shown things - one of the things Lionel wanted to do was find a Ford he used to go over lots - we found something in the right sort of area and they asked me what I thought - I felt uneasy so Lionel got out to check and thought it looked a bit deep - this was becuase we were a road over from where we wanted to be and the nice lady in the house we were outside came and told us so and how to find the ford!

We found it and it had a white duck with orange beak on it that Jeany got a bit obsessed about! She's still talking about it now!

Lionel pointed out more road turnings with churches that are nice down them (not sure how much of it I will remember mind!). He took us to Syde Church purelly becuase it is titchy!

Syde Church

I'm sorry but the churchyard was a bit squished too and I couldn't get a good angle for the whole church.

But there was an excellent gate which I just had to take photos of:

There was a door that said Danger on it - and so naturally I came round the corner to find my family had climbed up the steps :/

Interestingly I then found another skull on a grave stone that looked somehow reminiscent of the one from the previous grave yard - this added fuel to my story idea.

And just as we were getting back in the car I noticed this fungus on a tree - anyone know what it is?

Off we went again and we headed towards a hill I have often seen and the Church that looks like its positioned where a fort should be - this is Churchdown and the Church is St Bartholomew's and it had a kissing gate which Jean learned the name off and then proceeded to enchant all the pensioners but informing them that it was a kissing gate :/

There is the most fantastic view over Cheltenham ever from here!

Again there was a mirrade of photo oppurtunities including some funky grave stones - though I didn't find any more skulls this time - there was however a sun dial which I thought was an interesting thing to have on a grave.

Jean and Lionel had fun investigating this fantastic bench!

There was also more interesting lanternage about which again lent a magical air to the day - I couldn't find anymore skull gravestones but as the evening service was about to start I didn't really have enough time to look!

Apparently the church is built on the site of a Roman temple dedicated to Jupiter.

Thirsty we headed off to another pub me and Alaric have only seen the car park off - the Edgemore.

Again there was an impressive view:

It was a fantastic day even if I did spend alot of time fretting about not having sunblock - and guess who was burnt?!

Alaric argues that he wasn't burnt becuase it didn't hurt :/

Jean off course was fine! I was being hen peck mum and stuff making her sit in the shade and wear her hat all day!

I am actually really looking forward to exploring all the little churches around here - and think Alaric's going to be sad about the amount of space my photos take up on the server!