Life Fail (by alaric)

For too many years now, it's seemed like we've being dragged from situation to situation, at the whim of events rather than steering our own course...

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Rebooting Me (by sarah)

So I have done what the Dr suggested and then thanks to responses to my other posts i.e. this one, this one and this one have no reached a situation were I can again see a future for me.

One; that involves me going with the flow of my life and not fighting against things so much. Saying - yeah ok I do actually need to do 3-4 hours of physio during the day and long hot baths to keep things under control with my back. And this goes with the science and business stuff too.

For a long time I have supressed, ignored or ridiculed my artistic self - just stuff to entertain Jean or just a way of being able to afford gifts for people. I had to choose between art and science at A'levels though I kept a toe hold with the creative writing short course.

I chose science - I chose A'levels when I could have been off to St Martins to do a Foundation course - I do and don't regret this decission. At the end of the day I have a 2:1 from Imperial College and I worked hard to get it and learnt skills that have fed into many other areas of my life. I don't think I can even be pure art in the same why I could never be a pure scientist am both.

This is my issue - I love geology and rocks and people who understand what I'm talking about if I start spouting geology terms.

And I have been assessing what I actually want out of science - what is my altermate goal?

I realised in the autum that I want to communicate science - I want to build bridges - I am not a lab monkey. But I didn't realise lab monkeys existed until I tried to go back to science. I found that during my course I loved the lectures and I adored writing the two essays on science subjects I hadn't seen before and joining it all together, pooling the knowledge that was spread out amoungst all those journals all those papers - seeing connections that others had not noticed - suggesting things to try from other branches of my knowlegde for ecology stuff and so on.

I want to write popular science and show kids that science is fun. I want to learn new things and make links that might well be lost. In a Stephen Lawhead book (can't remember what it was called but it involved Hindu gods, dreaming and Mars) they actually had a position in academia called a Bridge - a person whos job was to know a little bit about everything - to talk to people and see where the needs were and have the ability to see what connections between subjects or people needed to be made.

This is sort of I supposes Holistic stuff for science and society - looking at how it all fits together - if you are focused on one area you can't see that the answer you need is over there in the humanities departement.

I have a depressing tale where this would have been a very valuable person to have around.

At an EANA conference just before Jean came into the picture (I wont say she wasnt there becuase she was! Just!) I heard the sad tale of money time and effort and we are talking alot of money and lot of time (years) that some people spent on designing a special drill for sample return missions.

When the person I was talking too looked at what they had done he noticed that they had from first principles designed exactly the sort of thing the oil industry has been using for decades. How could this have happened?

The research group where all physists - they didn't even think to look at the mining and oil industries - it didn't occure to them that those industries had to take samples under hard conditions.

Academia at least is getting a bit better with this but only becuase inderviduals have decided to have lateral careers - ie they move from Chemistry to Physics or from Medicine to Geology and so one.

I ask myself why do I want a PhD and they answer seems to be - so that people will actually take my science writing seriously. But to do a PhD you have to be passionate about one topic, or slice of topic and be focused on that alone for 3-4 yrs. Now I still want a PhD to have tasted the science world beyound where I am now but I can't cope with doing it part time whilst trying to do everything else so I think it is going to have to wait until I am older and yes this means I am probably giving up the shining career I have gilmpsed from time to time, for the family life but hey what else am I going to do with my retirement 😉

In the mean time there is the webstuff, my blogs and art I can do in my own time at home - hopefully moving forward.

Art and writing is not just something I do to fill the time - and so I am awaiting a book of free poems becuase I happen to be one of the poets and I am going to send off more - now that I have started to have things accepted - its taken me what? 3 years from when I started submitting to things again - I have to confess I got disheartened and tend to do rashes of sending stuff off!

If I can raise the money I may go for the Craftsmen Guild - they get your stuff displayed and only demand you steward a few exhibates for a few days a year - I think I could handle that - but there would be prep work so its a maybe at the mo - I would have to get a portfolio of crafts stuff put together which would take some time I think. Plus I would like to get the dragon case mod finished before I start down that sort of root.

The writing is still all ticking away there and will continue to do so - but where does this leave the science and my course?

I'm not sure if college will agree to this but I want to drop down to the one year course and get a diplomer in reseach and so that at some point in the future I can go for a full time PhD (way in the future this is at the moment).

I want to do my pacing (part of the pain management) with 1/2 of sitting down doing computer stuff ie writing or websites and 1/2 up and at them with sorting the house and Jean out etc...

This has been working well the last few weeks though obviously pacing is far harder to actually do with Jean about.

School! (by sarah)

Jeany will be starting school in September at 4 and a few days old and last night was an open evening at the school.

We went there straight from the Pre-School which ment we had a tired grumpy Jean with us - not how I would have chosen the teachers to see her but never mind.

School day will start at 8:45 and ends at 3 but for the first term (might have been half term can't remember!) she will only be doing mornings and then they disguess with you about them going full time. This was a bit of a shock I thought she was going to be full time from the start - she does 9-5:45 at the nursery currently and yes that would be too much if she was doing that every day as it does make her tired but half days! that means no lunch time there either 🙁 That means that I will not have time to do anything really for that first term.

There is also no school dinner facilities there so its going to be packed lunches which is a pain in the backside as I know what I am like and sandwitches made the night and kept in the fridge are just not very nice :/

But I was impressed with the learning programme they have and went a bit - opps... as I've been doing one of the things with her anyway. For a small school it has fantastic facilities and even takes the infant class swimming! They are in 'clusters' with other schools so get to use those facilities too!

Teachers and staff seemed really friendly and I appear to know half the PTA!

July will see Jean going in for three taster afternoons which should be fun for her.

The teaching techniques are also the sort that I approve off for small children - they have themes like under the sea and animals and learning in about exploring. The litracy stuff also caters for dyslexic learners without being apparent I noticed and as each child is treated as an individual learner for those subjects this is a good thing.

They do lots of nature walks and group work too so I am hopeful that Jean will have a good time at school.

Hopscotch Poem (by sarah)

I was so fuming after the post the other day that I found myself expressing the stupidness in poem form.

Feed back welcome!

It's called Hopscotch in case you were wondering:

Here's some chalk

Now go and play

Hopscotch was fun, in my day

A small child smiles up at his mum

Then runs outside in the sun

And begins to draw

the hopscotch grid

When out pops his friend - Sid

Then there's Jane, Marther, Mary and May

They've all come outside to play

Throwing stones

to mark their place

the hopscotch moves on a pace

until that is...

sirens rent the sky

And two burly police

come to spy

And tell them that their game's a fraud

Hopscotch - it turns out

is against the law!

And so with tears

they must scrub away

Chalk with which they should play

Stupidity in huge great measure

Stealing away childhood treasure

Whilst prisons burst at the seams

Police down size crimes - to please...

Those Powers That Be

So that they can get more votes

Seizing the UK securely by the throat

Sweeping troubles under the rug

By proclaiming a 5 yr old - THUG

And so without childhood games

I predict arson flames

as our youth grows in discontent

Violence shows as angers vent

So please - I beg

Government Sir!

Why not let childhood naturally unfurl?

And all those games of yester-year

be played in our streets

without fear

Diverticulitis (by sarah)

Mum came out of hospital about this evening and it turns out that though she may well have a 'grumbling' appendix the CT scan showed that she has Diverticulitis which is were pockets and pouches form in the gut where there is pressure on the system.

These get filled with erm.. 'stuff' you find in your intestines - ie half digested food and poo. It then becomes infected and inflamed. Interestingly it normally occurs in the sigmoid colon in Europeans but mum has it where Asians and Africians get it - were it is mistaken for appendicitis!

It says that it is cuased by a lack of fibre in the diet but mum drives us all potty with her insistance of eating Brassicas all the time (stinking the house out!) so I'm not really sure how she is going to increase fibre intake - dad already adds bran to her porrage - maybe he will finally get his way and get her to eat brown bread?

Anyway they are not going to opperate but will do if it comes back - they said that she also has the grumbling appendix but again they don't opperate for it grumbling and they wont touch the hernia either - mainly due to the risks of surgery and the anasthetic.

Still she is out - on yet another lot of antibiotics - I am starting to get worried that they will run out of ones they can give her - these are broad spectrum again - she must have bacteria resistant to alot of antibiotics in her system by this point which with super bugs infecting her surgery wounds and the cellulitis etc...

So fingers crossed its all ok anyway.